Red Poppies - Anyone Else but You

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grace
diary
blog
rant
leave

i dont know
when i came back
i thought i had it figured out
i thought i'd cleared my thinking
and i knew what i wanted
and what i didnt want-
which was you
but obviously i thought wrong
maybe it was the place i was in
the atmosphere
so different, so new,
so open for new beginnings
like starting a new life
like finding another part of me
but then when i got back
i wasnt sure
maybe it was like i was just continuing
what i left behind
but then again
before that i'd thought
thought i'd let go
but i'd thought wrong
dont you see
its you that keeps me awake at night
i spend hours and hours on end
pondering about
what is best to do
maybe im reading too much into this
maybe im just getting all the wrong signals
everything could be completely different
how horrid it is
not too be able to say things out loud
to speak your mind
why does it even matter if this all ends?
i dont know why it matters to me
i will prolly never ever see you again
i dont see why i should matter at all

but the problem is that it DOES
and it matters so much

lee wong, i wish you weren't leaving so soon. and you're leaving right smack during the time we would be gearing up for our annual sleepover/movie marathon. suddenly i miss you even more, knowing that you arent gonna be here anymore, although we hardly see each other while you're still here. im missing you terribly already, i think i might cry tomorrow, you prolly dont expect me to though. you're the first person i've ever learnt to love almost-unconditionally, all your quirks and everything, you fail to irritate me any longer, even at 3am in the morning - the time when i would be the most irritated with everyone and anyone around me. love you loads, my first bestfriend and my best fried forever (:

ck- i hate that you arent coming this christmas. it totally sucks cos you always always do. no, this isnt about my shoes you stupid guy. and although you never do anything while you're here. i was actually looking forward to you coming you know. bet you didnt know. but it sucks so much esp with kaylawong leaving.

so, great, both my bestest friends arent gonna be here for christmas. lets see how im gonna make my christmas merry ): somebody please ask me out

Labels: childhood, you

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;