Labels: random weirdness and the air smells of crisp apple cider; when i came back i thought i had it figured out i thought i'd cleared my thinking and i knew what i wanted and what i didnt want- which was you but obviously i thought wrong maybe it was the place i was in the atmosphere so different, so new, so open for new beginnings like starting a new life like finding another part of me but then when i got back i wasnt sure maybe it was like i was just continuing what i left behind but then again before that i'd thought thought i'd let go but i'd thought wrong dont you see its you that keeps me awake at night i spend hours and hours on end pondering about what is best to do maybe im reading too much into this maybe im just getting all the wrong signals everything could be completely different how horrid it is not too be able to say things out loud to speak your mind why does it even matter if this all ends? i dont know why it matters to me i will prolly never ever see you again i dont see why i should matter at all but the problem is that it DOES and it matters so much lee wong, i wish you weren't leaving so soon. and you're leaving right smack during the time we would be gearing up for our annual sleepover/movie marathon. suddenly i miss you even more, knowing that you arent gonna be here anymore, although we hardly see each other while you're still here. im missing you terribly already, i think i might cry tomorrow, you prolly dont expect me to though. you're the first person i've ever learnt to love almost-unconditionally, all your quirks and everything, you fail to irritate me any longer, even at 3am in the morning - the time when i would be the most irritated with everyone and anyone around me. love you loads, my first bestfriend and my best fried forever (: ck- i hate that you arent coming this christmas. it totally sucks cos you always always do. no, this isnt about my shoes you stupid guy. and although you never do anything while you're here. i was actually looking forward to you coming you know. bet you didnt know. but it sucks so much esp with kaylawong leaving. so, great, both my bestest friends arent gonna be here for christmas. lets see how im gonna make my christmas merry ): somebody please ask me out and the air smells of crisp apple cider; Labels: you and the air smells of crisp apple cider; ._____. Labels: being mad and the air smells of crisp apple cider; Victor: yupp Victor: the flight is 11.30 Victor: so theres still time Victor: i shall dota before i go Victor: haha crazy guy. he dotas like every single day and for almost every single minute that he is online. and even right up till before his vacation ._____. Labels: being mad, utter weirdness and the air smells of crisp apple cider; where do i start prom was last night prom was good prom was way better than what we thought it would be like prom was actually fun hahahaha and the food was not half so bad at all :D our after-party was crazy okay, so it wasnt a party, but it was after anyhow :P went back with kong, shermin, tam, sili, david, raymond. the rest of them went to shermin's house and me and wenyi got macs and then went to her house. it was like 12+ when we reached, which was quite crazy cos we didnt even go anywhere after prom ended. so we ate, and talked and talked and talked and talked for like the longest time about everything and anything till about 3. then we called tam to ask them if they were coming over, but she said that they'd just finished cooking(or eating) and they had just started their mahjong (-.-) so they wouldnt be coming over yet. so we talked some more (incredible). at about 4 we were feeling kinda sleepy so we called shermin to ask her if they were coming over or not. they were still playing mahjong (and it was super noisy we could hear it over the phone lol). so we decided that they should come over at five so they could play their mahjong and we could get some shut eye(haha). at 5 they came over bearing marshmellows cos wenyi said we'd be eating fondue (at 5am! haha!). amazingly wenyi and i were able to wake at 5am, although i was still kinda halfasleep-ish. they were in awe of wenyi's house for the longest time, then we had fondue and watched some tv. the fondue was kinda disastrous cos we didnt actually let it melt totally cos we were too eager to eat. haha. so the cake mostly got stuck and broke into pieces in the chocolate -.- but we finished most of it anyway, then watched some weird stuff on tv, i only remember watching the oprah winfrey show because i was staring at her christian louboutins. ahaha. then kong's sis woke up and we were all lolling around the sofa and then after awhile we all fell asleep. that was around 7, and then kong woke me up at 11 (the rest of them had gone home around 9) i cant remember why but i woke up (amazingly). then her mom got food for us and we ate and watched some old channel8 drama serial with michelle saram in it. stacy came after quite a while, then we just lolled on the couch and watched the drama serial. then it ended we got bored and i wanted to watch winx club on okto (there wasnt anything else on tv! haha) but then kong was evil so she purposely put the channel to malay news. then i was like, we dont even understand one shit of this why you make us watch, you translate for us la. then she started 'translating' a lot of nonsense and we all cracked up. a lot more stupid stuff but im too lazy to type it all out, but its amazing that im not sleeping or half-asleep now and im still alive even with the crazy night we had. hooray Labels: 2 integ, being mad, drunk, haha, prom, utter weirdness and the air smells of crisp apple cider; i gave him a piece of my mind; i threw it down and hit him squarely on the eye train of random thoughts brought me to this maybe you fell asleep on the laptop i hope you dont get caught or maybe you're playing dota or some stupid game then that'll really be very inconsiderate of you not to let me know before you go off and have your fun but im thinking you got caught which is scary to think of because i know how it was like when you got caught the last time and i dont even want to think of how it'll be like this time maniacsssssssss goodnight i think im finally ready to sleep although then im never gonna be alive in time tomorrow oh what the heck i dont know why i suddenly feel homesick, at home. maybe i'll get over it tomorrow im glad im going away i miss mom and dad a lot suddenly i dont know why either maybe i shouldnt have talked to you i dont know i dont know when it comes to you i always have doubts about everything because your life is like a minefield everything is a bomb which might hurt you or might hurt them or maybe mostly all of you. how entirely scary to be a part of your life. Labels: drunk, family, poem, random weirdness, you and the air smells of crisp apple cider; i dont know why i dont know what is wrong with meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Labels: random weirdness and the air smells of crisp apple cider; warning signs red lights flashing through my mind uh oh, uh oh i know, i know i remember the consequences of ignoring the signs its wont be the same again is my reasoning every time so time and time again i ignore those signs and i live to remember the disaster every time and the air smells of crisp apple cider; pffffffffffffffft yay Os are Overrrrrrrrrrrrr hahahahaha im going mad im madly tired brain is shutting down i feel like saying weird noises like pheeeee and pfft-ing so delirious omg os are overrrrrrrrr madness Labels: being mad, drunk, on being drunk and the air smells of crisp apple cider; haha kinda like metal on metal Labels: haha, random weirdness and the air smells of crisp apple cider; by Grace Huan at 4 freaking a.m. in the morning when she should really be sleeping and not staring at the computer screen letting her brain cells get fried and mutated and all-the-bad-things-ed Stay up till you're yawning, madly Your brain's banging around your head, badly Oh you can hear the bells ringing the band's singing You know its time to sleep and you're lolling around cant think straight Your mind's whirling your thoughts swirling You feel dizzy from staring at the computer screen but you're so sucked in You keep staring and staring Oh i hate to tell you this but you're Addicted Don't you see how you're getting deceived Makes you stay up stare blankly at the screen Let it suck your brain cells yeah, suck out your brain juices so you feel empty dizzy but fixated can't get away can't get away Oh My Goodness You're going in (PS: its supposed to make sense in an abstract kind of way. which means it will probably not make sense to 76.984759485739875398% of you lot.) (actually, i just spammed the number) (but the percentage should be quiiiiiite correct) (except there arent enough people in the world to make a 76.984759485739875398%) (okay whatever) blood pulsing your heart skips a beat its time to sleep yes its time to sleep Labels: on being drunk, poem, utter weirdness and the air smells of crisp apple cider; owl-ism: the problem with me i always feel most awake in the night, but in the day i just loll around and take crazy long naps sometimes. i feel like i shouldnt be living in this timezone, but yet i function alright most of the time, except there is the fact that i feel most alive at night, so i sleep real late at night then sometimes it screws up my day. okay whatever im being incoherent and contradictory. i feel sleep coming on me, pretty early for it to hit though, but then again, it doesnt mean im gonna sleep either. incoherentincoherentincoherentgah Y Labels: random weirdness and the air smells of crisp apple cider; today i finally had the time, so i went to to a little sort of research on cape town, although mom and dad have already pretty much finalised the itinery. but my little project didnt turn out quite so well, since i couldnt think of any major attractions i wanted to visit there, apart from the ones mom and dad have already found. so, i researched on something else. starbucks and ice cream. haha. didnt turn out quite so well either, i found out there were no starbucks cafes in cape town, and no starbucks in the whole of south africa. which was like kinda sad cos i wa thinking i could go there and like spam starbucks like crazy hahaha cos jacob was like telling me how a venti cost 3 bucks in the philipines which is like omgwtefghijklmnop loll. yeah. so anyway, no starbucks, which is like, fine. so next up, i search for ben and jerry's! haha! i know, im like totally ridiculous, searching for such things for the vacation. but theres nothing else to search for anymore. mom and dad covered everything there is already. haha. ben and jerry's turned up nada as well (kinda obviously), so i searched baskin-robbins. ha! but it has a super un-userfriendly page, so i couldnt really find what i was looking for, but i doubt they have any branches at cape either, so whatever. then i couldnt think of anything else and i ended my futile/ridiculous/rubbish search. haha went for dinner with abel, kaylee & aunty jessie's families. supposedly a farewell dinner for lee's family cos shes leaving right in dec. it was really awesome, cos me, abel and lee havent met up altogether in ages and ages, ever since that happened. so it was great, and we all were able to get along really well without any awkward situations or anything, the three of us. reminds me of how when we were really young and used to be super close, we had this (super corny) club thingum called the KGA. haha. the KaylaGraceAbel like omgahahaha we were so young! we prolly changed club names a million times but this is the only one i remember cos we actually did this signage thingumajig for the club (haha!). and we had this really cheesy song about where we were going, which we would always sing in the car. it went something like: we're going to (first place of choice, repeated thrice) we're going to (second place of choice, repeated thrice) we're going to (third place of choice, repeated thrice) but we decided to go to...... [burst out](chosen place)!!! [cheer, scream, scream some more, whatever] *there were usually two or three places of choice at maximum, although that part can just be lengthened or shortened depending on the number of different places we could think of. okay, so i cant really remember if me, lee and abel sang this song together, but i definitely remember it was me and abel for sure who sang it together all the time :D i think abel made it up, cos he's the oldest haha. so it was really fun to all meet up again, although we didnt talk about stuff from the past at all. we just talked about all our schools and all, cos abel's from a boy's school, im from a mixed and lee's from a girl's school. and about music all the different cultures and influences in our schools cos they're all so different, although their schools(secondary, that is) are quite similar cos theyre sibling schools and in roughhhhhhhly the same area. but lee's never seen public caning (girl's school), so she got really excited when we were talking about it. haha. she was like, "so exciting! i want to see eh! (laughs) ... i've been in a nunnery for ten years!" then we all cracked up. and she's really incoherent at times, then we laugh at her incoherence and indecisiveness. im really glad we got to meet up again, altogether. usually its just me and lee or me and abel, which is fine, really, but its just so great to all get together. hopefully we'll do it again like next year when lee comes back. i miss you all so much! havent seen them since abel's exams started i think. random: karlie kloss looks like kirsten dunst and i find this quite a weird post Labels: childhood, dinner party, memories, on being drunk, vacation and the air smells of crisp apple cider; too bad kaylywongy's going off then ): Labels: childhood and the air smells of crisp apple cider; i know it says only suitable for mature audiences and blahblahblah but its really just how to get a free meal at macs, nothing vulgar at all. its really ridiculous and i cant believe people actually think up this kinda things. haha Labels: haha, utter weirdness and the air smells of crisp apple cider; sometimes barbed sometimes spiked meant to hurt meant to spite Labels: poem and the air smells of crisp apple cider; i just realised that this year i am starting to appreciate my family more. my extended family that is(not my immediate family), like my relatives, my 1 + 10 billion cousins, a handful second cousins and nieces and nephews. im not really close to any of my family at all, unlike most people i know. i dont know most of their names, never even heard of half of them, never even knew the rest existed. the ones i actually know, i am apt to forget their names at times (or i might just know them but not their names). and i never talk to any of them except during chinese new year, and when i do, its because they talk to me first. i never ever try to talk to any of them because it is too uncharacteristic for me to do so. of course, this whole not-close-to-the-family problem started with me anyway, something which i built up from young. but anyhow, here we go with horribly terrible examples of why i am a bad cousin/relative/family member. example 1: i have this cousin. i dont know her name, but i know her(awesome). so i only know her as 'the one with the angmoh boyfriend' or 'the pharmacist one'. it isnt anything contemptuous, just that the facts are that she has a caucasian boyfriend and she is a pharmacist(i think) AND i dont know her name. but its amazing that actually i know her because until a few years ago, i didnt even know she existed. example 2: another cousin, he's the same age as me. i... occasionally forget his name because i never talk to him because i generally do not approach anyone to start a conversation and because he is always playing his psp when i see him anyway. but yes, now i do remember his name. most of the time i only remember his brother's and sister's name, but i do not remember his, although he is the only cousin who is the same age as me(despite having one billion and one cousins). i also do not know what school he is in, i just know he's in NA. yeah, i know im brilliant. example 3: one of my cousins got married like two years ago and i didnt know who on earth she was and i still dont know who she is. i just know she's the one who has the siblings who look emo every chinese new year(and i am scared of them), but thats like what the heck, i prolly look emo every chinese new year too. i dont know her siblings' names either. i really doubt i will ever know who she is. example 4: another one of my cousin lives in australia and for the longest time i did not know her name(but i know it now though), so she was always 'the one living in australia'. example 5: i do not know any of my nieces' or nephew(s)'s names (except the one niece who is older than me). i dont even know how many of them there are, although obviously less than the number of cousins i have. im not sure how many nephews i have either, maybe one or none, although i really should know. hah. and most these are only the relatives whose names i really should know, im not yet even into the cousins whose names i do not really need to know (either i dont know they exist or i never talk to them and they never talk to me or i think they look freaky) and i do not know how many cousins i really have either. then, there is my one cousin on my mom's side (hence the 1 + 1billion cousins), whom i am not close to at all, although i should be. (yeah, i should be a lot of things im not, i know) my sister is quiiiiiite close to him but not me. largely because i used to dislike him a lot for the longest time. and now is prolly too late to start over, although i dont dislike him. according to my mom, he is afraid of me (which is like, okay great). this is why most of my conversations in tuition go like this: (since i have 1 cousin and 2 second cousins who are in the same tuition) H: (asks me something;anything about my second cousin) me: i dont know J: but he's your cousin! me: (lets say its about my second cousin) he's not my cousin! he's my second cousin! J: fine, but he's your second cousin! me: yeah.. but i dont talk to him! i only see him once a year during chinese new year! J: what kind of second cousin are you!? but i like my second cousin a lot now since i started talking to him (in tuition). and the first time he saw me in tuition he couldnt recognise me when i sat opposite him because i looked different from how i looked during chinese new year(.______.) but i recognised him. haha. he knows elias, and elias' brother, cos he's in band. (but he doesnt know eugene, reason being something i found out from eugene on grad day haha). anyhow, i like him a lot and he makes tuition less horrid (okay, tuition isnt horrid, just that it can be horrid for me at times, then he makes them less horrid because, well, he is family, which i realised ☺). then again, i cant say i know him well either. but at least i even talk to him. and i know his name. haha ________________________________ i dont know why i suddenly wrote this and here, but its a lot of my thoughts on my relationship with my family. there are still more, but some too sensitive to be written on a blog. not that i would be ashamed to tell anyone, but still, i wouldnt want to hurt anyone's feelings, just in case. maybe one day i will write them all down. but anyway, no one reads my blog, so it doesnt matter much haha. its weird because most of the people i know are close to their (extended)families, especially their cousins. but not me. in fact, much the opposite. ________________________________ going off on a totally different tangent, i think im gonna cut bangs. im not sure if i'll regret it though, but i really cant think of anything else to do with my fringe. then again, a lot of people have bangs already so i reeeeeeally dont know if i want to do that. and i dont want to do the slanted one again cos its quite irritating once my fringe grows and one side gets long and the other doesnt. sometimes i wished i had thicker hair, but then again, i mightnt like it if i really had thicker hair. haha. quite paradoxical. but im generally fine with my hair and i like it a lot :D goodnight world ý Labels: family, random weirdness and the air smells of crisp apple cider; "so stupid (he) just wrote 'love you' dont have the 'i' so does it mean that he doesnt love her or what??? then anyone can be the one who loves her, next time might as well just write 'love' and cancel out the 'you' since he doesnt want to put the 'i' anyway and then after that they can just cancel out the 'love' also then they dont need to say anything already. (pauses for breathe) stupid people!" the evolution of 'i love you' it went something like that anyw, she said it all in one breathe too hahaha _____________________________________ LIKE OMGXZXZXZ THEY HAVE PINK AND YELLOW OMGOMGOMG pinkoryellowpinkoryellow or maybe red but i think i'll end up getting pink because... i just will. haha okay actually because abigail already has a red one(not that it reeeeally matters anyway, but kinda) and yellow... i'll prolly get sick of it after awhile cos it might start to look like gold(which i do not like) although the yellow is a really nice shade of yellow but im not taking any chances. so, pink! :D i have this feeling im going quite a bit mad must be os haha (random thought: too bad its not masquerade this year) i wish i wouldnt stay up so late every night :( we ought to buy you a Cadillac Labels: random weirdness and the air smells of crisp apple cider; how ironic its all coming to me now like reality that finally hits home except i dont know which it is, that i dont see you anymore or that ____, yeah. i dont know. i dont even know if i believe that its(____) true. but it doesnt hurt. i think im just tired out. or maybe now i miss you, although i really shouldnt, i shouldnt even be thinking about you. i wish someone would tell me to forget about him; forget that i ever knew him; forget everything. daddy only says "you shouldnt be thinking about him now", but he doesnt tell me i should forget him, because its the hardest thing to do no matter how moronic the person is. but everything would be so much easier if someone would just tell me what to do. sometimes its if only everything would be so mechanical and you could throw out all the rubbish from your life and just keep the good stuff. but then life would be so lifeless maybe. i think im being incoherent now, i feel dead. i think i only feel drunk when im tired, then my thoughts are wild and incoherent; other than that i cannot imagine my mind shutting down, losing control of my thoughts. but in the day i feel fine, which is a weird phenomenon. in the day i would laugh in your face, laugh at you because you lost out because you were stupid; you were blind. but in the night i'd prolly blink back tears and watch you walk away. its cold tonight, so i opened my windows. i dont know why i did, i never open my windows- ever. usually i sleep outside and i keep my windows shut. its a weird night tonight, i've been thinking about a lot of stuff the past few days and its the same phenomenon again, but i know i shouldnt go there, im not sure if i even want to go there but i find myself drifting to it, i know im changing but i cant help it, im not helping it, i dont know if i can anyway. i feel like i have no more resistance left and i just let go and float and let the wind take me along, wherever it goes and i cant do this anymore, i dont want to do this again, i cant believe half the things i say anymore, cant believe the stuff im saying. you dont hurt me but i cant forget you all the same. i know im being completely incoherent here but these are all the thoughts that pour through my mind. its a weird night tonight we'll drive, one thousand miles an hour we'll fly by wheat fields and water towers we'll go, we'll go and we'll go and we'll go, let's go let's go, let's go... let's go Labels: on being drunk, random weirdness, you and the air smells of crisp apple cider; i dont know why i dont know why i dont know why i like you Labels: you and the air smells of crisp apple cider; |
- me, today. hit the ground running (accurate as at time of publication) hit the ground running hit the ground running what have we here? hit the ground running |
G♥
has a pink polaroid and no film wanted a pink holga because it was, well, pink believes in non-committalism(i think)(but not really) is still as anti as ever (that's end-without-the-d, tie) starbucks' hot chocolate is pretty good |
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