Red Poppies - Anyone Else but You

<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar/18943018?origin\x3dhttp://red-poppies.blogspot.com', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>

grace
diary
blog
rant
leave

my family
i just realised that this year i am starting to appreciate my family more. my extended family that is(not my immediate family), like my relatives, my 1 + 10 billion cousins, a handful second cousins and nieces and nephews. im not really close to any of my family at all, unlike most people i know. i dont know most of their names, never even heard of half of them, never even knew the rest existed. the ones i actually know, i am apt to forget their names at times (or i might just know them but not their names). and i never talk to any of them except during chinese new year, and when i do, its because they talk to me first. i never ever try to talk to any of them because it is too uncharacteristic for me to do so. of course, this whole not-close-to-the-family problem started with me anyway, something which i built up from young. but anyhow, here we go with horribly terrible examples of why i am a bad cousin/relative/family member.

example 1:
i have this cousin. i dont know her name, but i know her(awesome). so i only know her as 'the one with the angmoh boyfriend' or 'the pharmacist one'. it isnt anything contemptuous, just that the facts are that she has a caucasian boyfriend and she is a pharmacist(i think) AND i dont know her name. but its amazing that actually i know her because until a few years ago, i didnt even know she existed.

example 2:
another cousin, he's the same age as me. i... occasionally forget his name because i never talk to him because i generally do not approach anyone to start a conversation and because he is always playing his psp when i see him anyway. but yes, now i do remember his name. most of the time i only remember his brother's and sister's name, but i do not remember his, although he is the only cousin who is the same age as me(despite having one billion and one cousins). i also do not know what school he is in, i just know he's in NA. yeah, i know im brilliant.

example 3:
one of my cousins got married like two years ago and i didnt know who on earth she was and i still dont know who she is. i just know she's the one who has the siblings who look emo every chinese new year(and i am scared of them), but thats like what the heck, i prolly look emo every chinese new year too. i dont know her siblings' names either. i really doubt i will ever know who she is.

example 4:
another one of my cousin lives in australia and for the longest time i did not know her name(but i know it now though), so she was always 'the one living in australia'.

example 5:
i do not know any of my nieces' or nephew(s)'s names (except the one niece who is older than me). i dont even know how many of them there are, although obviously less than the number of cousins i have. im not sure how many nephews i have either, maybe one or none, although i really should know. hah.

and most these are only the relatives whose names i really should know, im not yet even into the cousins whose names i do not really need to know (either i dont know they exist or i never talk to them and they never talk to me or i think they look freaky) and i do not know how many cousins i really have either.

then, there is my one cousin on my mom's side (hence the 1 + 1billion cousins), whom i am not close to at all, although i should be. (yeah, i should be a lot of things im not, i know) my sister is quiiiiiite close to him but not me. largely because i used to dislike him a lot for the longest time. and now is prolly too late to start over, although i dont dislike him. according to my mom, he is afraid of me (which is like, okay great).

this is why most of my conversations in tuition go like this:
(since i have 1 cousin and 2 second cousins who are in the same tuition)

H: (asks me something;anything about my second cousin)
me: i dont know
J: but he's your cousin!
me: (lets say its about my second cousin) he's not my cousin! he's my second cousin!
J: fine, but he's your second cousin!
me: yeah.. but i dont talk to him! i only see him once a year during chinese new year!
J: what kind of second cousin are you!?

but i like my second cousin a lot now since i started talking to him (in tuition). and the first time he saw me in tuition he couldnt recognise me when i sat opposite him because i looked different from how i looked during chinese new year(.______.) but i recognised him. haha. he knows elias, and elias' brother, cos he's in band. (but he doesnt know eugene, reason being something i found out from eugene on grad day haha). anyhow, i like him a lot and he makes tuition less horrid (okay, tuition isnt horrid, just that it can be horrid for me at times, then he makes them less horrid because, well, he is family, which i realised ☺). then again, i cant say i know him well either. but at least i even talk to him. and i know his name. haha

________________________________

i dont know why i suddenly wrote this and here, but its a lot of my thoughts on my relationship with my family. there are still more, but some too sensitive to be written on a blog. not that i would be ashamed to tell anyone, but still, i wouldnt want to hurt anyone's feelings, just in case. maybe one day i will write them all down. but anyway, no one reads my blog, so it doesnt matter much haha.

its weird because most of the people i know are close to their (extended)families, especially their cousins. but not me. in fact, much the opposite.

________________________________

going off on a totally different tangent, i think im gonna cut bangs.
im not sure if i'll regret it though, but i really cant think of anything else to do with my fringe.
then again, a lot of people have bangs already so i reeeeeeally dont know if i want to do that. and i dont want to do the slanted one again cos its quite irritating once my fringe grows and one side gets long and the other doesnt.
sometimes i wished i had thicker hair, but then again, i mightnt like it if i really had thicker hair. haha. quite paradoxical. but im generally fine with my hair and i like it a lot :D

goodnight world ý

Labels: family, random weirdness

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;