Red Poppies - Anyone Else but You

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grace
diary
blog
rant
leave

woah woah woah
wreck my thoughts
play games with my mind
now im confused
especially this time

i dont know which way to go
im at the crossroads
i thought i knew what i wanted
i thought i had chosen my path
but apparently not,
because at the crossroads is where i find
myself

its going to be tough
is all i can say

_____________________________________

so many new things to try
but all for another day

_____________________________________

im half awake now
just half
i dont really know what i want
or what im thinking
so im just gonna leave my thoughts for tomorrow
and we'll see how it works out
i need to make a list
i need to plan
i need to revamp
clear clear and change again
cos i cannot stay the same for too long again

im back
and unfortunately
i think the old me's back too
pretty bad huh
im not sure what good it did for me anymore
im back to me,
cynicism and question marks
what to do and
what to not

i thought i was changed
i thought i was different
i thought i had another chance to start over
but see, i thought wrong
again

i feel the same all over again

_____________________________________

need to change
need to change
need to change
cant stay the same
it irritates me

_____________________________________

cam and out again
i thought i'd feel different, really
changed renewed
but its back to same old same old
and im not even 24hours out
fastest ever
im relapsing
falling back in
i feel it
same old thang

_____________________________________

oh change
but not the wrong change
and out again
again again
into the inky black darkness
you will not find me

_____________________________________

maybe it ate me

_____________________________________

i am all rahhdeedahh
and blahsplatplaff
no more you just me
just me

out out out
and out you go
good riddance
good bye and
have a nice life

_____________________________________

aimless wandering
boredom is bad
splat splat splat
or
splash splash splash

drawings,
more drawings
and whoopdeedoodash

blue
sky blue
soon
very soon
because
not yet
is mad

_____________________________________

badbadbadbadbadbadbad
how?
degeneration takes place
in less than 24hours
-thats quick
just only a jiffy
imagine how steep the gradient would be
if we drew a graph
to let you see

_____________________________________

half-asleep
half-awake
all the same shit

_____________________________________

converse
new yellow converse
i will still keep my pinks
now they are faded
i love them even more
better than whites and better than pinks

_____________________________________

i poisoned myself
with junkfood
for four days straight
if it had lasted 10 days
i would have died
we would all have died
in fact
i would have died earlier
though not from the junkfood
but from her
but now i regret saying anything at all

_____________________________________

make new friends
make new life?

_____________________________________

my thoughts flow better when im half awake when im fully awake i just feel blank but then when im half awake i cannot be bothered to think things through properly because when i am half awake i am half asleep as well i would keep them for when i am fully awake, but by then i would have forgotten my train of thoughts or just be blanked out so then i lose everything like a faulty harddrive

_____________________________________

my mind is running running running...
running places
fast fast fast
quicker than i can imagine
i had a dream
but i forgot when that was
the last four days just suddenly seem like a dream
i've just woken up from
nothing seems real
all like a dream
it happened,
but all in my mind

Labels: abstract, drunk, poem, random musings, so much noise

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;