Red Poppies - Anyone Else but You

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grace
diary
blog
rant
leave

sent chills up my spine

because everyone thought i was dead
and the boy i love thought i was dead
and there was no way of telling him that i wasnt
then finally i met him and then he knew
we drove around in his car and...
oh i love him so

Labels: abstract, dream

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

pa-ra-noi-a

and so all the self-destructive shit is starting to surface
hmmhmmhmm
this ought to be interesting, non?

Labels: abstract, dying, random musings

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

been away for too long
just gotta suck it up

i

dont know.

void and i need something
i am scared of it, honestly.
and coke without the CO2.
and things i need to do,
and i want to see you.

i wish i'd smiled at you but i didnt
i always dont do what i know i should
and then i regret it later for all its worth

i didnt mean to say that
but then it just slipped out.
and i wasnt and im not
going to elaborate further
because i know you dont
fully understand how its like
or maybe because im afraid you do
i dont want you to become cynical
about it like i am
which is thoroughly ironic because
most of the time it is you who
tries to break me in
without the cynicism.

but i think you are a cynic already, which is precisely why.

maybe today you knew, and if you did, thank you, and i do not wish you had done any more.

Labels: abstract, musings, today was

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

jellies in my chocolat - argh ireetating omgsmfao get out get out!!

Labels: abstract, randumm

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

reach
fall
vulnerable
empty
robot
angry
banging
smile
like
love
other
walk
night
smile
wind
tap
lovely
nice
think
think
think
hard
bloody
scream
smile
hit
hurt
shrug
on
laugh
smile
joke
squeal
sigh
shake
laugh
inappropriate
gesture
handsign
blush
nervous
politesse
laugh
shakes
exhale
handsigns
why?
sigh
smile
inside

the things you make me do, the things we do

Labels: abstract, random musings

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

headshot,

front and centre.

Labels: abstract

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

walking down

barefooted

the wet road
ignore

all the bright

lights behind

you

the lights

the sounds

they fade into the

background

as you grab the

limelight

centrestage

spotlight

you are

and

nothing else

matters

but come walking

back

on the wet road

splatter rainwater

barefooted

Labels: abstract, random musings

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

i decided i want to do something

* is fun. i am enjoying it incredibly and i dont mind too much that i spend ALL my time on it. i look forward to it every day, something that has not happened for anything in a long time. maybe i have found what i want to do in life although it isnt what i've always wanted, but my perspectives are changing.

i like * a whole lot and talking to him made me change my perspective, made me see things differently. he made me rethink my ideals in life and now i feel differently about many things. and i am closer to him i guess.

things change quickly and i feel as if i am a part of it already, and it is a part of me. i dont think i'll be going anywhere any time soon because it is all so wonderful. chemistry, and so i like you more already, some how we click better then the others, so it is the chemistry (:

suddenly i want to do more, get more out of my time, my life. i actually want to be a better person (that sounds so weird like omg grace is taking herself too seriously!!! and SO cliche, and so ewwargh, but i actually have that feeling okay!). so weird dang. i actually want to be.

i am changing in such weird ways ]:

i hate tacking, but when i think of * i can imagine what he'd say to me which would make an awful lot of sense so i cannot argue, and i sigh and i resign to the fact that i have to tack tack tack and not complain.

______________________________

the other day that guy smiled at me. today i realised he was from the shop right next door. and today i also realised that the shop was selling watches. yeah, i never realised. now he smiles at me all the time when i see him. i like him a whole lotalready, i like most people a whole lot. but then of course there are the occasional weirdly omgifeellikesplashingwateratyouandshouting'wakeup!' kind of people (which are just ugh, such as kl and dh LOLOL). i just laugh at them though, cos they're so cocky its ridunkulus, and obviously i cannot splash water at them, although i alwaysss have the urge to.

oh and i finally realised which was the crf, i always thought it was a clock shop T.T but i still dont know who's the girl i really wonder

today i had my lunch outdoors which was lovely and i should cam more again

my contacts are so dry they are going to jump out of my eyes any moment. i just realised that i should really change them, but what the heck anyway.

i like how you always sing and hum and whistle. one day i will too.

Labels: abstract, random musings, random weirdness, so much noise

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

wipe that smile off your face
take out your hopes and pains
make a daisy chain
and wear it round your neck

parade it,
masquerade it,
do whatever you have to
to make it known

smile,
and then drown in that smile
and hope the daisy chain will
save you

Labels: abstract, poem

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

because we have 4am goodbyes

Labels: abstract, you

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

live more of life
with all its abstractness and randomness
indulge not but just be
paint pictures with words
be whimsical is what i want to be
so lighthearted
like life is a watercolour picture
often i live life like an oil painting
bright bold hard fast
spread on thickly
i liken my life to a leonid afremov painting
thick and bright and
mashings of colours
in weird places
you would not imagine
splaps they look like
but they are not
they are carefully applied
applied thickly the mix of colours
gradient not ombre
but still
so beautiful
so beautiful to me
so very much alike
seeing is believing
but sometimes
i am wont to wanting a watercolour life
so whimsy so lighthearted more carefree
althought that is not me
she is the watercolour picture in many ways
as i am the oil painting in many ways too
so evident
even from our rooms
but i am cutting back
less intensity
although it is this brashness and boldness
and intensity
that makes me
often i am hard with my words
solid like bricks
but sometimes i want to write feathers
instead
because they are so enticing
a long loop
a slow long ride you enjoy
just like how i watch the day
go by
at my favourite place
many times
just sitting and
pondering
pondering
so slow now
but still much thickly spread
still an oil painting
no matter the speed
painfully carefully intricately
like being carved
slowly
slowly
never light and whimsical
but carefully
so i do not
nick my nails

Labels: ♥ onomatopoeia, abstract, random musings

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

we'll see how i die later
but i have decided not to care... so much anyway
but. argh
same shiz ahhhhhhhhhhhh
gonna be dead the whole day for sure
there goes my plan
thursday maybe? but thats kinda weirdish too
we havent been talking for real long
see the chasm it is there
closer suddenly and further not so suddenly at all
rahh dang dont whisk the eggs
regret regret
everything
omg
awhile more
maybe an hour-ish
so understated
what to do with all the pretty icings then?
huge mess of everything
EVERYTHING

i suddenly want to be back there
when i was there it was kinda whatever
just live for the moment
now i want back
next time im going back again spring/summer-ish
im gonna stay like what
many many weeks
laze around and familiarize myself with the place
take it easy
none of the vacationrushshizz and all
nuh
all nice and slow and yay get to know
stellenbosch town yay yay yay
walk around
and then franschoek for awhile maybe
and hout bay
i miss you all now too late
beach
yes
that we never visited

i need a holiday
i need starbucks
although i just had one today
and at the mostest therapeutic starbucks
ohwell either it didnt work or
so much has happened that i destroyed all the calming aftereffects
like how you just CANT have a backache right after a back massage

oh well.

saw stacy today
called kongy today

i am jittery because of the new year i dont want it to come i want to stay at home and sulk and do whatever i like and not welcome the new year because i do not welcome it at all i am dreading it i dunno why christmas was okay church was yay so christmas was somewhat yay happy but yeah i dont think i particularly looked forward to it or anything i dunno everything makes me sad oh shiz i am emo hahaha

yes veeass i am random
i guess
but maybe im just feeling random now because it is 6am in the morning (what the shiz)
my mind is flipping and thoughts bounce themselves of the walls of my mind
i am horridly awake although i am sleepy(ish) but the awakeness dampens my sleepiness shucks
okya i am rantingrantingranting incoherently obviously k rubbishes

i dont know why i felt so weird just now there really wasnt anything to be sad about im not sure if i want to get out with them i dont feel particularly high so ya i dunno so weird huh its about a week away so i shouldnt care anyway i am glad i have plans for frids yay me because it is an awesome plan everything works out ha later i hope there is someone new that would be fun yay scare him cos it is always a him unless i bring my friend then well her but ive never really asked anyone actually there was only once we had someone different ohwell i hope we have someone different it makes it more fun(ish) and i dunno im in the mood for new stuff and random stuff and surprises

i still dont know what it is that makes me sad but its always the same i know its always the same
feed my mind
ah
crazyness never ceases to exist
no sad shows just happy funny yay ones
i know i keep saying yay i just stuff it into my sentences anyway

dying
out again soonish
i promise myself
or i shall go maddish
and photojournalling
although i am bad at it
only good at photorandoming
but photos were good today
took weird stuff
and a lot of the same stuff
but nice stuff anyhow
yay for hoodie
saved my day
i got horridly lost
and i walked rounds and rounds
and oh
the sun blah
but finally i found what i wanted
and i was smart about it so yay
and i saw the red i wanted
red and dark yay too bad no photos
that wouldve been awesome
and i woulda put up missing photos
just for fun maybe
look through the glass
again some time
but i doubt i will find anything of interest again
definitely out soon so i dont go mad
feel very detached these few days
be a stranger
be a sojourner
be yay
and camwars although i hardly ever
but i did them for my socks and to get
nice looking random looking pics
but always pink cos im home
skirt soon out and more photos same place
meet again maybe
if youre lucky we will
but i think not haha
nevermind maybe something else will catch my eye
although i doubt so
one in a million
never even ever happens

xxx
need to get away
i get the feeling now
meet me at the park
soon-ish (: xo

Labels: abstract, being mad, drunk, random musings

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

use words to express
pick and choose
those you want to use

pick the best
leave the rest
string them together
one and two

if they dont make sense
rearrange rearrange
rearrange them
until they do

just always remember that
you use the words
the words do not
use you

___________________________________

stare at your nails
shiny and glossy
just like vinyl
so fake
so unreal

think of all the hurt
that has been passed today
a handphone lost
and a friend or two
maybe too much has
passed away

i think of you
yes
i think of you
and all these hurts and pains

these things will pass
i promise you
like all the pain that was passed
today

___________________________________

love you two and thanks kmj a lot i am incredibly indebted to you

Labels: abstract, poem, random musings

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

go(ld) figure

Labels: abstract, random weirdness

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

guys should not wear skinnies.
the end.

Labels: abstract, random musings

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

woah woah woah
wreck my thoughts
play games with my mind
now im confused
especially this time

i dont know which way to go
im at the crossroads
i thought i knew what i wanted
i thought i had chosen my path
but apparently not,
because at the crossroads is where i find
myself

its going to be tough
is all i can say

_____________________________________

so many new things to try
but all for another day

_____________________________________

im half awake now
just half
i dont really know what i want
or what im thinking
so im just gonna leave my thoughts for tomorrow
and we'll see how it works out
i need to make a list
i need to plan
i need to revamp
clear clear and change again
cos i cannot stay the same for too long again

im back
and unfortunately
i think the old me's back too
pretty bad huh
im not sure what good it did for me anymore
im back to me,
cynicism and question marks
what to do and
what to not

i thought i was changed
i thought i was different
i thought i had another chance to start over
but see, i thought wrong
again

i feel the same all over again

_____________________________________

need to change
need to change
need to change
cant stay the same
it irritates me

_____________________________________

cam and out again
i thought i'd feel different, really
changed renewed
but its back to same old same old
and im not even 24hours out
fastest ever
im relapsing
falling back in
i feel it
same old thang

_____________________________________

oh change
but not the wrong change
and out again
again again
into the inky black darkness
you will not find me

_____________________________________

maybe it ate me

_____________________________________

i am all rahhdeedahh
and blahsplatplaff
no more you just me
just me

out out out
and out you go
good riddance
good bye and
have a nice life

_____________________________________

aimless wandering
boredom is bad
splat splat splat
or
splash splash splash

drawings,
more drawings
and whoopdeedoodash

blue
sky blue
soon
very soon
because
not yet
is mad

_____________________________________

badbadbadbadbadbadbad
how?
degeneration takes place
in less than 24hours
-thats quick
just only a jiffy
imagine how steep the gradient would be
if we drew a graph
to let you see

_____________________________________

half-asleep
half-awake
all the same shit

_____________________________________

converse
new yellow converse
i will still keep my pinks
now they are faded
i love them even more
better than whites and better than pinks

_____________________________________

i poisoned myself
with junkfood
for four days straight
if it had lasted 10 days
i would have died
we would all have died
in fact
i would have died earlier
though not from the junkfood
but from her
but now i regret saying anything at all

_____________________________________

make new friends
make new life?

_____________________________________

my thoughts flow better when im half awake when im fully awake i just feel blank but then when im half awake i cannot be bothered to think things through properly because when i am half awake i am half asleep as well i would keep them for when i am fully awake, but by then i would have forgotten my train of thoughts or just be blanked out so then i lose everything like a faulty harddrive

_____________________________________

my mind is running running running...
running places
fast fast fast
quicker than i can imagine
i had a dream
but i forgot when that was
the last four days just suddenly seem like a dream
i've just woken up from
nothing seems real
all like a dream
it happened,
but all in my mind

Labels: abstract, drunk, poem, random musings, so much noise

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

i like to multi-tag my posts
ohimstartingtoyawn. obsession/icanthelpbutmultilabel-itis. hohoho i labelled all possible labels for this post. maybe i should do a random post and talk about everything possible so i can tag it with every single label i have. and more. oh joy.
i dont know why i have so many almost-similar labels.
why do my hands look old. i am just sixteen. and halfway to seventeen.
i never get eyebags. except when im stressed i suppose, because i only got them once- during Olevels.

okrandom :P
love

Labels: abstract, being mad, drunk, haha, random musings, random weirdness, utter weirdness

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;