Red Poppies - Anyone Else but You

<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar/18943018?origin\x3dhttp://red-poppies.blogspot.com', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>

grace
diary
blog
rant
leave

today,
i did something super coolfunnycrazyawesome.

me and gerald laughed and giggled like mad and tried photocopying our faces at the school copier. of course we failed because, idk, it just isnt that easy. we were acting like primary school kids, laughing and trying not to scream with laughter and giggling and trying to be inconspicuous and making sure no one saw us while we carried out our superawesome master plan. i havent done something so crazyfunny in a long while.

anyway, we are gonna try again soonish because i really want a photocopy of my face.

Labels: haha, so much noise, today was, utter weirdness

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

bmiml (bad moment in my life)

tried to sleep, for half an hour-ish but couldnt
>:
woke up, realised i have to work tmr, mild panic, tried calling e whose phone wasnt on. or something. called someone else, in an attempt to escape from world, but he was going far far away.
:
wanted to take some shots, couldnt find my cam
>:
sister playing the piano, very loudly, such a pain. can not stand listening to the piano playing, unlike certain people who find it soothing and therapeutic. it is not. it is thoroughly annoying.
>: >: >:
was gonna take some shots with my popcam when am disrupted by mom
>:>:
nagging ensues, about taking dinner, etc etc. my stomach only has space for approximately 1-1.5 meal(s) every 12hours, which means about 1ish meal a day, unless i stay up inordinately late. or unless i am working because that makes me hungry. but usually i am still stuck with settling for 1-1.5 meal(s) due to time constraints.
>:>:>:

mom is unexpectedly home, so unexpected breach of peace.

have settled for blasting bsb(embarrassing, yes) on my ipod in attempt to block out whatever that can be blocked out. have never been a fan of blasting, unlike a lot of other people, but desperate times call for desperate measures. thought about going for a run (crazy) and i just might, later.

on a lighter note, i finished the pair of shorts i was working on, and it fits sister well enough. so its a tad loose on the waist, but she says she can live with it, dear girl. (have no intention of tearing it apart to alter it) (okay i might, if i get really annoyed with how it looks on her) pictures when i find my camera. which is probably not anytime soon. gah.

x

ps: i realised i have a lot of labels. many repetitive and just as many totally irrelevant and unuseful.

Labels: so much noise, today was

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

i just realised that i havent properly blogged for quite a long time already. well, not really a long time, but i havent had a proper post for.. many posts. haha. and i really hate starting my posts with "i just realised..." although that is an oft phenomenon for me. in fact, i think i do really dislike the word realised right now, which, i hate to say, i just realised. and i have this list of words i regularly use. because i do really use them regularly. okay that was random.

i know i really shouldnt be up now, but its the coffee, i swear its the coffee. although i dont remember it having such effect on me the last time, which was really long ago anyway. but i felt i was in need of coffee this afternoon, i forgot why, so when d asked me if i was going to k's i sed yes(in the end, that is, after i mulled about it since, today, it wasnt about iced milo as it usually is). so iced coffee ensued, and here i wonderfully am. which means that if i do wake up tomorrow(assuming i will not be in comatose, and i'd better not be, because i have so much to do tomorrow) i will probably have to get coffee again, which, really isnt ideal at all. but then again, i have survived worse days without.

nevermind tomorrow. today(or yesterday?)(ohwell we'll just stick with today, since according to my body clock it is anyway) i did something i wanted to do for a long time, to a singularly unexpected person. it made me grin and laugh because thats what i'd do if i was in that unexpected person's shoes [: and i got my other errands done too(finally!), this morning, and managed to reach a minute-and-a-half-ish before z, so i was a happy accomplished birdie. (can you see my grin!?) and closing was great too becausssssse i happened to beat the time z set (although i wasnt thinking about it at all!) it just happened that i did so double kudos to me, and after that i finally got to do up the whole spreadsheet i'd been wanting to do for daysss because d was there till late. and of course i was majorly satisfied when i'd finished it, because all those roughly scribbled stuff were really getting to me, and im like this huge sucker for catagorizing everything. so yes, to see everything properly catagorized and sectioned made me very very happy [: (i know, i sound like such a freak!)

okay, so many smileys and exclaimations. basically i had a fufilling and accomplished day today(on hindsight. haha). anddd i finally got round to deciding to get the shoes, so mom picked them up for me today (yay ♥s). because my charles&keith shoes have completely died on me. (okay i wanted to do an analogy here, but nevermind, that'd be too long and i cant be bothered to think of all the similarities, haha) after wearing those shoes for a month-ish, i have sworn off charles&keith shoes because, in conclusion, they are terrendous. which is, terrible+horrendous, yes, that bad. but then again it doesnt mean that i wont buy their shoes anymore, i will, like who doesnt want cheap shoes that look nice? (although they suck and are lousy and shitty and cmicmicmiomg okay im ranting and getting incoherent but, really, i could rant you about how lousy they are, for the whole day) it just means that i will abstain from shopping for work shoes there. and anyway they practically bring in new shoes just to put them on sale, that doesnt say much about them does that?

ohwell i really should go now, and so here it is, finally(i've sed that a lot of times in this post havent i? just goes to show how much the procrastinator i am) a proper post(according to my definitions anyway). although it was weird, since i never really ever blog about my day, not since.. a long time, anyway. but i guess it was only semi-aboutmyday, since it wasnt like "today i went to blahblah and i blahblah-ed and then i saw blahblahblah and then i bought an antique cat fur keyring..." and so on cos i really hate those kind of posts! (no offence to anyone though) (okay im starting to blab, i really should stop here!)

x

PS: as you can see, i dislike using the aprostrophy, so i dont really use it where i should eggcept that it has been creeping into my writing(!) slowly but surely. and that is although my name has one in it(hah! yours doesnt!), which i hated acknowleging for the longest time(yeah, i had issues with name, like how weird is that?) but now ive come to embrace it(okay this sounds weird). and recently, ive been in this "HAH!" mood, for some weird reason or another. i keep saying it at the weirdest times, for no particular reason(which is worst than a weird reason, really, because with a weird reason at least its a reason, you know?).

PPS: from writing this i just realised(shit, realised :<) that i have penchant for looooooooong sentences. okay not really, more like i have a penchant for trying to stuff everything that i have to say about something into one sentence which then makes it vehryvehrylong(and then i will add some text-in-brackets for good measure)(and yet another text-in-brackets if im feeling really generous)(or feeling the urgent need to fully express myself in ONE terribly long sentence)(or extentially maximise my sentence, although thats like whattheheck)(like this)

PPPS: and have you realised i, well, really do like to use the words 'well,'(with the comma! you can just hear the comma in speech) and 'really' in my sentences. so much so that, they're, well, pretty much overused in my writings. well, i really shouldnt go on about this should i? ;)

PPPPS: (dont think too much about the antique cat fur keyring. dont try to google it either, its just something i came up with because i had that head-bangingly boredoutofmybrains feeling for like 5 seconds(and thats the kind of weird stuff i come up with when i am, well, head-bangingly boredoutofmybrains). no, it is not some weird, new-fangled inventioned that you shouldve heard of but didnt.)

PPPPPS: on hindsight, maybe you should try googling(or google-ing?) the antique cat fur keyring. who knows, might be something that the infinitely smart, geniusy you hasnt heard of!

PPPPPPS: i've had so many 'PS'-es i might as well be writing another post. but then again i havent wrote something so fun for the longest time.

PPPPPPPS: okay bye, its 5.04am and i really should get to sleep, like NOW (lest something bad happens to me, e.g. i fall into comatose, or worse still, i get sick again)

Labels: being mad, drunk, haha, random weirdness, so much noise, thoughts, today was, utter weirdness

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

you werent all that happy
i could see
maybe you feel the same way
about me

which is basically idontknow and you know i know we all know that everything doesnt fit in place. at all. because we do not live in denial, and because we have agreed on it.

something weird, anyway
we can talk about this tmr, i bet you're gonna do the same back to me, some time
and i will give you the same reaction too [:

Labels: poem, random musings, so much noise

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

i saw him from the corner of my eye
as i was passing by
i saw him turn to look at me
but i pretended i didnt see

maybe, maybe

Labels: so much noise

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

i decided i want to do something

* is fun. i am enjoying it incredibly and i dont mind too much that i spend ALL my time on it. i look forward to it every day, something that has not happened for anything in a long time. maybe i have found what i want to do in life although it isnt what i've always wanted, but my perspectives are changing.

i like * a whole lot and talking to him made me change my perspective, made me see things differently. he made me rethink my ideals in life and now i feel differently about many things. and i am closer to him i guess.

things change quickly and i feel as if i am a part of it already, and it is a part of me. i dont think i'll be going anywhere any time soon because it is all so wonderful. chemistry, and so i like you more already, some how we click better then the others, so it is the chemistry (:

suddenly i want to do more, get more out of my time, my life. i actually want to be a better person (that sounds so weird like omg grace is taking herself too seriously!!! and SO cliche, and so ewwargh, but i actually have that feeling okay!). so weird dang. i actually want to be.

i am changing in such weird ways ]:

i hate tacking, but when i think of * i can imagine what he'd say to me which would make an awful lot of sense so i cannot argue, and i sigh and i resign to the fact that i have to tack tack tack and not complain.

______________________________

the other day that guy smiled at me. today i realised he was from the shop right next door. and today i also realised that the shop was selling watches. yeah, i never realised. now he smiles at me all the time when i see him. i like him a whole lotalready, i like most people a whole lot. but then of course there are the occasional weirdly omgifeellikesplashingwateratyouandshouting'wakeup!' kind of people (which are just ugh, such as kl and dh LOLOL). i just laugh at them though, cos they're so cocky its ridunkulus, and obviously i cannot splash water at them, although i alwaysss have the urge to.

oh and i finally realised which was the crf, i always thought it was a clock shop T.T but i still dont know who's the girl i really wonder

today i had my lunch outdoors which was lovely and i should cam more again

my contacts are so dry they are going to jump out of my eyes any moment. i just realised that i should really change them, but what the heck anyway.

i like how you always sing and hum and whistle. one day i will too.

Labels: abstract, random musings, random weirdness, so much noise

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

though the days get longer
and nights get shorter
it does not matter
no, it does not matter

i am scared
probably unduly so
but nevertheless i am scared
by my own imagination

Labels: so much noise

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

round and round and back again
so i am.

__

bored
and in love with oxford heels
and colour palettes and ombre

paint splats on the chiffon dress
and make them higher,
those heels

chic or bleak
or maramandeek
some makeup to match with your heels

marc jacob's, ted baker's,
alldressedup for you, some
nordstrom's will never kill you

with some candyfloss and karlie kloss
barney's in new york can
never beat you

Labels: poem, random musings, so much noise

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

woah woah woah
wreck my thoughts
play games with my mind
now im confused
especially this time

i dont know which way to go
im at the crossroads
i thought i knew what i wanted
i thought i had chosen my path
but apparently not,
because at the crossroads is where i find
myself

its going to be tough
is all i can say

_____________________________________

so many new things to try
but all for another day

_____________________________________

im half awake now
just half
i dont really know what i want
or what im thinking
so im just gonna leave my thoughts for tomorrow
and we'll see how it works out
i need to make a list
i need to plan
i need to revamp
clear clear and change again
cos i cannot stay the same for too long again

im back
and unfortunately
i think the old me's back too
pretty bad huh
im not sure what good it did for me anymore
im back to me,
cynicism and question marks
what to do and
what to not

i thought i was changed
i thought i was different
i thought i had another chance to start over
but see, i thought wrong
again

i feel the same all over again

_____________________________________

need to change
need to change
need to change
cant stay the same
it irritates me

_____________________________________

cam and out again
i thought i'd feel different, really
changed renewed
but its back to same old same old
and im not even 24hours out
fastest ever
im relapsing
falling back in
i feel it
same old thang

_____________________________________

oh change
but not the wrong change
and out again
again again
into the inky black darkness
you will not find me

_____________________________________

maybe it ate me

_____________________________________

i am all rahhdeedahh
and blahsplatplaff
no more you just me
just me

out out out
and out you go
good riddance
good bye and
have a nice life

_____________________________________

aimless wandering
boredom is bad
splat splat splat
or
splash splash splash

drawings,
more drawings
and whoopdeedoodash

blue
sky blue
soon
very soon
because
not yet
is mad

_____________________________________

badbadbadbadbadbadbad
how?
degeneration takes place
in less than 24hours
-thats quick
just only a jiffy
imagine how steep the gradient would be
if we drew a graph
to let you see

_____________________________________

half-asleep
half-awake
all the same shit

_____________________________________

converse
new yellow converse
i will still keep my pinks
now they are faded
i love them even more
better than whites and better than pinks

_____________________________________

i poisoned myself
with junkfood
for four days straight
if it had lasted 10 days
i would have died
we would all have died
in fact
i would have died earlier
though not from the junkfood
but from her
but now i regret saying anything at all

_____________________________________

make new friends
make new life?

_____________________________________

my thoughts flow better when im half awake when im fully awake i just feel blank but then when im half awake i cannot be bothered to think things through properly because when i am half awake i am half asleep as well i would keep them for when i am fully awake, but by then i would have forgotten my train of thoughts or just be blanked out so then i lose everything like a faulty harddrive

_____________________________________

my mind is running running running...
running places
fast fast fast
quicker than i can imagine
i had a dream
but i forgot when that was
the last four days just suddenly seem like a dream
i've just woken up from
nothing seems real
all like a dream
it happened,
but all in my mind

Labels: abstract, drunk, poem, random musings, so much noise

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

have been drawing on my arms, only to get scolded by mom and dad. they dont really tell me why, mom only says, "so horrible!", although it is not at all horrid to look at. maybe they're afraid i'll get a tattoo or something. i wouldnt, but i might. if you get what i mean. but they look so amazingly pretty and oh so conspicuous. and so clever, if you get the meaning of the word. you only think i am what i want you to think i am. and i dont want to be classified with all the rest of your children. because i am not like them at all, neither do i want to be.

town tomorrow maybe, just because i want to haunt jacalva and i want to see GEN. haha. i must sound like some weird stalker. but yeah, i want to see gen. haha. (sorry i hope you dont read my blog). slacking at starbucks is tempting but not enough motivation to send me hopping to town. and i havent decided which one to go yet. any other day i'd do city's but thennnnnn jac is gonna be in town, like orchard. soooooo.... i dont know. i mightnt even go down anyway. we'll see (: plus, kong has asked me (not really invited, so, haha) to her house so she can have a MJP(mahjong party! haha!) cos her cousin will be over but that only makes three. unfortunately i 1)do not play mahjong, 2)am not faintly interested in it, 3)have not decided if i want to go over because then they will make me learn mahjong and not let me go to town. i quite want to go to town and slum around and be inconspicuously conspicuous, if i can get my butt out of the house, that is.

purple nails, i was thinking maybe brown, but nevermind, purple is good and nice (: dark colours because they are still short. but they're getting longer, then it'll be the cut or nude-ish colours. french maybe? bright colours dont seem to work anyhow, sadly. nail paint! thats what i need. but do they even have such stuff here .____. they never have anything i dont really need ):

am bored with staying at home because i have nothing better to do. happily, i have planned much for the next few days and after that it will be youthcamp which is 4 days straight. i havent started stocking up yet, i really should. i cant really say im excited, i dont know why. part of me is scared and dreading- the grouping; the meeting new people; the group-ish stuff. argh. unfamiliarity is something i am particularly bad at. and this year is different, much so from all the other years i've been. but i know its just me who is different. which is the problem, because its me im going with.

Labels: random musings, so much noise

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

appearances versus reality
so like all the shit we studied in lit class

but its true, you'd never guess what everything's like behind the facade. i dont know if its a facade, like intentional, or what. i dont even really know the whole thing myself, except from your point of view. which is unreliable. you're scary.

his point of view- he doesnt let me see it, anyhow. but there are glimpses of what its like. i guess it seems pretty normal... but weird that he should say such things to anyone. one wonders. because i wouldnt, although i think the same way. he doesnt put up a facade, he just avoids talking about it in any case.

but then, prolly everyone has their own facade. it doesnt have to be some really huge facade or anything, but everyone has one anyway. i often find blogs are most people's facade. you become to people what you make yourself out to be, although it mightn't be what you really are. goes both ways.

Labels: so much noise

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;