Red Poppies - Anyone Else but You

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grace
diary
blog
rant
leave

i do wonder how it happens, but then again i did come close to it myself. that was scary cause i'd never felt anything like it, ever; and i never thought i would come close to doing anything like it, ever. never thought i was the kind, but then i guess it goes to show - you never know.

i still wonder how it happens, because i could never let things get to that stage.

Labels: random musings

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

weird form of self-indulgence
like peeling a layer off
it reveals something on the inside you wouldn't guess was there
disparity from what you think to be reality

happens all the time and its kinda funny, to be honest

xxx

ps: im sorry, when we talk again, i'll tell you i was sorry. and you know that i never am.

Labels: random musings

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

pa-ra-noi-a

and so all the self-destructive shit is starting to surface
hmmhmmhmm
this ought to be interesting, non?

Labels: abstract, dying, random musings

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

because you need to ask yourself if you are in love, or in love with love itself.

and i know i am neither

Labels: random musings

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

my air-con has been on ice mode lately - its been working too well. 5 minutes in the room and i feel too cold. when does that ever happen? maybe time to switch off for the season. shouldve thought of that earlier i guess.

Labels: random musings

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

am super trooperly sleepy right now
not good
am lazy to type out everything i am thinking
i dont want to be sleepy!
i want to get cracking on my new book >:
just finished This Charming Man tonight
Lola and Rossa Considine got together!
:> (smug 'i-told-you-so' moment here)
but great story anyhow, plus i absolutely love the plot in a plot thing. the last time i read a book like that was such a long time ago i dont even remember the title. i do vaguely remember the plot though, but This Charming Man has more angles and less giveaway on 'past' plot, so it trounces! (am starting to recall now, was prolly a louise bagshawe book, although is uncharacteristic of her and differentish from her usual books, nevertheless same great flair)

and did i mention the cover is just rocking? love the textures, colours, everything! might put it up on wishlist, bad thing to do, really, i might just end up with book-buying addiction on top of my shoe addiction. especially with my fetish for new books.

so great story, loved it, not too long-drawn, finished off nicely without leaving me wanting to know more (or maybe im just too sleepy). except i do wonder, a little, what happened to Paddy and Alicia, although whatever it is cant be nice so maybe i dont really want to know either. amazingggg story despite dark themes. AND funny at times AND lovely AND didnt make me cry (so is not some sappy love story although Lola and Considine did get together) AND interesting AND long enough without being long-drawn, great book great book if i want to buy it must be a great book (not to discount great cover too).

okay shall stop waxing lyrical about TCM, i only seem to be going in circles, but it is an awesome awesome book AND it comes full circle(so important to me in a book).

"If you drove all night," I said, "you must have gone via Morocco. (Is) only three-and-a-half-hour journey."

- Lola to Considine on him driving all night to reach her

xxx

Labels: drunk, random musings

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

on staying up late:

i no longer get those headaches i used to
it has become an easy transition from midnight to early morn
no more no more headaches
smooth transition
so smooth its scary
scary smooth like the guy at the bar who uses the cheesiest pick-up line but scores
i still get that feeling in my gut
but that feeling isnt as strong as those in my head
and we have short days long nights now
so light reading isnt any good anymore

scary to think about

Labels: random musings

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

somewhere, somehow, it hits you like a brick- you have grown older, and maybe a little more cynical and jaded than you care to think.

then again it doesnt hit you like a sharp thud, more like in slow motion, which is also how you crumble and fall, slowly, and the thud of your body on the pavement seems blunt, a soft crumple even. nonetheless, realisation has hit, and you feel it all the same.

you stare at her photo - it could be anyone, anyone - and wonder, how, how ever someone years older than you can act years younger than you (or is it just that you dont act or feel your age anymore?). how someone can be so carefree, so innocent, though she has years over you, when all you feel is weighed down by life in itself. tired and weary.

sure, you have your brief moments of respite, carefree shrieking, screaming, prancing about. but it never lasts all that long, because deep down inside you feel it, weighing you down, not letting you go. like how all the material possesions of the world will never satisfy you, something many know but fewer yet understand. and it is something you have come to understand, which scares you, but does not blunt the cravings anyhow.

-

then the phone rings, loud and equally irritating, and you are shaken out of your reverie. back to the world, you sigh.

Labels: random musings

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

i woke up needing a sugar rush

missed lunch with someone, my book and my mp3

woke up at 6

felt great

was confused and disoriented

we saw the looks

had a book

felt happy

felt discontented, with xxxx, which is getting scarily usual

felt glad not having to see someone, honest

need time need space

had the time=money thing reiterated in my face(well, not really, but)

mulled over getting a nano

am about to ponder the podnano vs phone situation (really! omgah)

or maybe i will continue _ and leave that for laterishhh

ish

[:

i hate twitter, really, and i havent even ever been on it

i just hate it

it sounds like some kind of annoying bird, which kinda is cos it annoys, me anyway

but i like one liners

but i dont really like posting one liners

favv phrase(for now) SPARKLES ON MY CUPCAKE DAY (HEY SHANNAAAA)

mustve been my worst day with a book

because book days are generally pretty good

i wish every day was book day (sulkss)

but its my fault, really

someone(s), okay make that some twos, are tryna talk me into an _phone! (pretty obvious)

howhowhowww

ohwell

some not-so-sparkly-sparkles on my not-so-cupcake-y day

Labels: random musings, thoughts, today was

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

jealousy and empathy
okay that was random
my w key isnt working too good
which is irritating (to the max, although i dont really want to say that)
the day before it was the e, and the delete, which still is argh

i feel so irritated not being able to go to ork and go out and do the stuff i need to be doing. and being sick is just, ell, sickening. thurs i ouldve gone to enyis but then ell i as sick and plus i didnt ant to pass her the germs too. okay and im dropping all my ws cos their too hard to press and are irritating to type so there. and it sucks that im prolly not orking tmr too, i dont feel too good and best not to go and contaminate everyone else too. suckssssssss. sorry dee i know i shoulda gone to the doctrs on thurs already :/

oh ell

and of course im not answerable for evvvvvraything so stop asking me. dont you know that sometimes _ ____ __ ______ so stop trying to act like you know everything cos some things arent even supposed to make sense! so just, well, stay out of it. and dont even try to ask.

pfft.

shiz i hate being sick. like hello immobility.
but on the other hand i am proud of what i managed to complete (surprise, hoho) yesterd.
but on the other other hand, there i things i need to do and i cant! which is argh.
and i have totally worn out the heel of my shoe, you can see the metal already, like how lousay is that? and so the heels click whenever i walk, geez. but anyw that means i need new shoes but shiz that means shoe shopping, which isnt my favourite thing. sure, i like buying shoes, but shopping for shoes? nuh-uh. (RF face, hello?) lets just say singapore isnt the bessssst place for shoe shopping. at the moment, anyw. especially when your budget isnt like a thousand and up.

Labels: dying, random musings, randumm, today was

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

reach
fall
vulnerable
empty
robot
angry
banging
smile
like
love
other
walk
night
smile
wind
tap
lovely
nice
think
think
think
hard
bloody
scream
smile
hit
hurt
shrug
on
laugh
smile
joke
squeal
sigh
shake
laugh
inappropriate
gesture
handsign
blush
nervous
politesse
laugh
shakes
exhale
handsigns
why?
sigh
smile
inside

the things you make me do, the things we do

Labels: abstract, random musings

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

you werent all that happy
i could see
maybe you feel the same way
about me

which is basically idontknow and you know i know we all know that everything doesnt fit in place. at all. because we do not live in denial, and because we have agreed on it.

something weird, anyway
we can talk about this tmr, i bet you're gonna do the same back to me, some time
and i will give you the same reaction too [:

Labels: poem, random musings, so much noise

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

i was thinking white or pink but on second thought maybe something darkish
better
soon, soon [:

tommorow because that is how you spell it ♥

Labels: random musings

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

walking down

barefooted

the wet road
ignore

all the bright

lights behind

you

the lights

the sounds

they fade into the

background

as you grab the

limelight

centrestage

spotlight

you are

and

nothing else

matters

but come walking

back

on the wet road

splatter rainwater

barefooted

Labels: abstract, random musings

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

stain my bed with alchohol
acetone all over the floor
and alchohol all over my laptop,
like suicide

______________________

dayum tired but i have things to do ]:
and tired of this censorship thing it really doesnt make sense unless i decide it myself

whatever happened to the time?

Labels: random musings

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

i decided i want to do something

* is fun. i am enjoying it incredibly and i dont mind too much that i spend ALL my time on it. i look forward to it every day, something that has not happened for anything in a long time. maybe i have found what i want to do in life although it isnt what i've always wanted, but my perspectives are changing.

i like * a whole lot and talking to him made me change my perspective, made me see things differently. he made me rethink my ideals in life and now i feel differently about many things. and i am closer to him i guess.

things change quickly and i feel as if i am a part of it already, and it is a part of me. i dont think i'll be going anywhere any time soon because it is all so wonderful. chemistry, and so i like you more already, some how we click better then the others, so it is the chemistry (:

suddenly i want to do more, get more out of my time, my life. i actually want to be a better person (that sounds so weird like omg grace is taking herself too seriously!!! and SO cliche, and so ewwargh, but i actually have that feeling okay!). so weird dang. i actually want to be.

i am changing in such weird ways ]:

i hate tacking, but when i think of * i can imagine what he'd say to me which would make an awful lot of sense so i cannot argue, and i sigh and i resign to the fact that i have to tack tack tack and not complain.

______________________________

the other day that guy smiled at me. today i realised he was from the shop right next door. and today i also realised that the shop was selling watches. yeah, i never realised. now he smiles at me all the time when i see him. i like him a whole lotalready, i like most people a whole lot. but then of course there are the occasional weirdly omgifeellikesplashingwateratyouandshouting'wakeup!' kind of people (which are just ugh, such as kl and dh LOLOL). i just laugh at them though, cos they're so cocky its ridunkulus, and obviously i cannot splash water at them, although i alwaysss have the urge to.

oh and i finally realised which was the crf, i always thought it was a clock shop T.T but i still dont know who's the girl i really wonder

today i had my lunch outdoors which was lovely and i should cam more again

my contacts are so dry they are going to jump out of my eyes any moment. i just realised that i should really change them, but what the heck anyway.

i like how you always sing and hum and whistle. one day i will too.

Labels: abstract, random musings, random weirdness, so much noise

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

i dont mind if you give me balloons for valentine's

♥

Labels: random musings

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

round and round and back again
so i am.

__

bored
and in love with oxford heels
and colour palettes and ombre

paint splats on the chiffon dress
and make them higher,
those heels

chic or bleak
or maramandeek
some makeup to match with your heels

marc jacob's, ted baker's,
alldressedup for you, some
nordstrom's will never kill you

with some candyfloss and karlie kloss
barney's in new york can
never beat you

Labels: poem, random musings, so much noise

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

the million things you will never understand about me.

today, i drew on my hand again and it looks awesome
and then i drew over that with my nail polish so now
it looks even awesomer :D
but then im afraid it'll crack and peel(shucks!)
argh }:
but aaaanyway, i have pics and they look awesome so yay

k is having an information overload. haha.
although he bombarded me first!

i think i am overly complex, something i just realised while talking.

out tmr :D

Labels: random musings

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

i just found this blogthings quiz i did wayyyyyyyy back, long before my blogthings spam(haha), and the quiz was the same as one that i did in my blogthings spam, and the result was exactly the same. which is surprising, in many ways. i guess i havent changed much then.

on this note, i might just spam blogthings later because
ohiamsoboredandicantgettosleepandeugenehasgoneofflinealreadysonoonetobugawwwwwwwww hahaha

kbye

Labels: haha, random musings, random weirdness

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;