Red Poppies - Anyone Else but You

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grace
diary
blog
rant
leave

am super trooperly sleepy right now
not good
am lazy to type out everything i am thinking
i dont want to be sleepy!
i want to get cracking on my new book >:
just finished This Charming Man tonight
Lola and Rossa Considine got together!
:> (smug 'i-told-you-so' moment here)
but great story anyhow, plus i absolutely love the plot in a plot thing. the last time i read a book like that was such a long time ago i dont even remember the title. i do vaguely remember the plot though, but This Charming Man has more angles and less giveaway on 'past' plot, so it trounces! (am starting to recall now, was prolly a louise bagshawe book, although is uncharacteristic of her and differentish from her usual books, nevertheless same great flair)

and did i mention the cover is just rocking? love the textures, colours, everything! might put it up on wishlist, bad thing to do, really, i might just end up with book-buying addiction on top of my shoe addiction. especially with my fetish for new books.

so great story, loved it, not too long-drawn, finished off nicely without leaving me wanting to know more (or maybe im just too sleepy). except i do wonder, a little, what happened to Paddy and Alicia, although whatever it is cant be nice so maybe i dont really want to know either. amazingggg story despite dark themes. AND funny at times AND lovely AND didnt make me cry (so is not some sappy love story although Lola and Considine did get together) AND interesting AND long enough without being long-drawn, great book great book if i want to buy it must be a great book (not to discount great cover too).

okay shall stop waxing lyrical about TCM, i only seem to be going in circles, but it is an awesome awesome book AND it comes full circle(so important to me in a book).

"If you drove all night," I said, "you must have gone via Morocco. (Is) only three-and-a-half-hour journey."

- Lola to Considine on him driving all night to reach her

xxx

Labels: drunk, random musings

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

i just realised that i havent properly blogged for quite a long time already. well, not really a long time, but i havent had a proper post for.. many posts. haha. and i really hate starting my posts with "i just realised..." although that is an oft phenomenon for me. in fact, i think i do really dislike the word realised right now, which, i hate to say, i just realised. and i have this list of words i regularly use. because i do really use them regularly. okay that was random.

i know i really shouldnt be up now, but its the coffee, i swear its the coffee. although i dont remember it having such effect on me the last time, which was really long ago anyway. but i felt i was in need of coffee this afternoon, i forgot why, so when d asked me if i was going to k's i sed yes(in the end, that is, after i mulled about it since, today, it wasnt about iced milo as it usually is). so iced coffee ensued, and here i wonderfully am. which means that if i do wake up tomorrow(assuming i will not be in comatose, and i'd better not be, because i have so much to do tomorrow) i will probably have to get coffee again, which, really isnt ideal at all. but then again, i have survived worse days without.

nevermind tomorrow. today(or yesterday?)(ohwell we'll just stick with today, since according to my body clock it is anyway) i did something i wanted to do for a long time, to a singularly unexpected person. it made me grin and laugh because thats what i'd do if i was in that unexpected person's shoes [: and i got my other errands done too(finally!), this morning, and managed to reach a minute-and-a-half-ish before z, so i was a happy accomplished birdie. (can you see my grin!?) and closing was great too becausssssse i happened to beat the time z set (although i wasnt thinking about it at all!) it just happened that i did so double kudos to me, and after that i finally got to do up the whole spreadsheet i'd been wanting to do for daysss because d was there till late. and of course i was majorly satisfied when i'd finished it, because all those roughly scribbled stuff were really getting to me, and im like this huge sucker for catagorizing everything. so yes, to see everything properly catagorized and sectioned made me very very happy [: (i know, i sound like such a freak!)

okay, so many smileys and exclaimations. basically i had a fufilling and accomplished day today(on hindsight. haha). anddd i finally got round to deciding to get the shoes, so mom picked them up for me today (yay ♥s). because my charles&keith shoes have completely died on me. (okay i wanted to do an analogy here, but nevermind, that'd be too long and i cant be bothered to think of all the similarities, haha) after wearing those shoes for a month-ish, i have sworn off charles&keith shoes because, in conclusion, they are terrendous. which is, terrible+horrendous, yes, that bad. but then again it doesnt mean that i wont buy their shoes anymore, i will, like who doesnt want cheap shoes that look nice? (although they suck and are lousy and shitty and cmicmicmiomg okay im ranting and getting incoherent but, really, i could rant you about how lousy they are, for the whole day) it just means that i will abstain from shopping for work shoes there. and anyway they practically bring in new shoes just to put them on sale, that doesnt say much about them does that?

ohwell i really should go now, and so here it is, finally(i've sed that a lot of times in this post havent i? just goes to show how much the procrastinator i am) a proper post(according to my definitions anyway). although it was weird, since i never really ever blog about my day, not since.. a long time, anyway. but i guess it was only semi-aboutmyday, since it wasnt like "today i went to blahblah and i blahblah-ed and then i saw blahblahblah and then i bought an antique cat fur keyring..." and so on cos i really hate those kind of posts! (no offence to anyone though) (okay im starting to blab, i really should stop here!)

x

PS: as you can see, i dislike using the aprostrophy, so i dont really use it where i should eggcept that it has been creeping into my writing(!) slowly but surely. and that is although my name has one in it(hah! yours doesnt!), which i hated acknowleging for the longest time(yeah, i had issues with name, like how weird is that?) but now ive come to embrace it(okay this sounds weird). and recently, ive been in this "HAH!" mood, for some weird reason or another. i keep saying it at the weirdest times, for no particular reason(which is worst than a weird reason, really, because with a weird reason at least its a reason, you know?).

PPS: from writing this i just realised(shit, realised :<) that i have penchant for looooooooong sentences. okay not really, more like i have a penchant for trying to stuff everything that i have to say about something into one sentence which then makes it vehryvehrylong(and then i will add some text-in-brackets for good measure)(and yet another text-in-brackets if im feeling really generous)(or feeling the urgent need to fully express myself in ONE terribly long sentence)(or extentially maximise my sentence, although thats like whattheheck)(like this)

PPPS: and have you realised i, well, really do like to use the words 'well,'(with the comma! you can just hear the comma in speech) and 'really' in my sentences. so much so that, they're, well, pretty much overused in my writings. well, i really shouldnt go on about this should i? ;)

PPPPS: (dont think too much about the antique cat fur keyring. dont try to google it either, its just something i came up with because i had that head-bangingly boredoutofmybrains feeling for like 5 seconds(and thats the kind of weird stuff i come up with when i am, well, head-bangingly boredoutofmybrains). no, it is not some weird, new-fangled inventioned that you shouldve heard of but didnt.)

PPPPPS: on hindsight, maybe you should try googling(or google-ing?) the antique cat fur keyring. who knows, might be something that the infinitely smart, geniusy you hasnt heard of!

PPPPPPS: i've had so many 'PS'-es i might as well be writing another post. but then again i havent wrote something so fun for the longest time.

PPPPPPPS: okay bye, its 5.04am and i really should get to sleep, like NOW (lest something bad happens to me, e.g. i fall into comatose, or worse still, i get sick again)

Labels: being mad, drunk, haha, random weirdness, so much noise, thoughts, today was, utter weirdness

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

why eh. i really feel drugged.

Labels: drunk

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

whoa shiz im sleepy and i had coffee in the late afternoon(not starbucks, and without milk/sugar/the works!) omggggggggg why doesnt it work dang

Labels: drunk

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

almond shaped eyes
so lovely
do you see
the water pooling
the quiver
and then the drop
the pearl which screams
out every bit of
anger and fear
most vulnerable
now
its time to strike

-

yes, care more
because it is more precarious
more important
more everything
than this
four petaled flower

Labels: drunk, musings, poem

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

cuss and swear and all the bad things
i promise i will never again
never betray you nor
spill a word of your
secret
i will guard it and know
who have weights on the other side
and not pick those
because now i know
who weighs lighter on mine

just like everything we talked about
and the walls are up
just like the stakes are up
from now on

______

heart hurts
and i find myself alone
simply because
i trust no one
for the fear that -

______

cut off, shut out
just when i thought
i was making
some progress

______

i shouldnt have
i really shouldnt have

Labels: drunk, musings

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

we'll see how i die later
but i have decided not to care... so much anyway
but. argh
same shiz ahhhhhhhhhhhh
gonna be dead the whole day for sure
there goes my plan
thursday maybe? but thats kinda weirdish too
we havent been talking for real long
see the chasm it is there
closer suddenly and further not so suddenly at all
rahh dang dont whisk the eggs
regret regret
everything
omg
awhile more
maybe an hour-ish
so understated
what to do with all the pretty icings then?
huge mess of everything
EVERYTHING

i suddenly want to be back there
when i was there it was kinda whatever
just live for the moment
now i want back
next time im going back again spring/summer-ish
im gonna stay like what
many many weeks
laze around and familiarize myself with the place
take it easy
none of the vacationrushshizz and all
nuh
all nice and slow and yay get to know
stellenbosch town yay yay yay
walk around
and then franschoek for awhile maybe
and hout bay
i miss you all now too late
beach
yes
that we never visited

i need a holiday
i need starbucks
although i just had one today
and at the mostest therapeutic starbucks
ohwell either it didnt work or
so much has happened that i destroyed all the calming aftereffects
like how you just CANT have a backache right after a back massage

oh well.

saw stacy today
called kongy today

i am jittery because of the new year i dont want it to come i want to stay at home and sulk and do whatever i like and not welcome the new year because i do not welcome it at all i am dreading it i dunno why christmas was okay church was yay so christmas was somewhat yay happy but yeah i dont think i particularly looked forward to it or anything i dunno everything makes me sad oh shiz i am emo hahaha

yes veeass i am random
i guess
but maybe im just feeling random now because it is 6am in the morning (what the shiz)
my mind is flipping and thoughts bounce themselves of the walls of my mind
i am horridly awake although i am sleepy(ish) but the awakeness dampens my sleepiness shucks
okya i am rantingrantingranting incoherently obviously k rubbishes

i dont know why i felt so weird just now there really wasnt anything to be sad about im not sure if i want to get out with them i dont feel particularly high so ya i dunno so weird huh its about a week away so i shouldnt care anyway i am glad i have plans for frids yay me because it is an awesome plan everything works out ha later i hope there is someone new that would be fun yay scare him cos it is always a him unless i bring my friend then well her but ive never really asked anyone actually there was only once we had someone different ohwell i hope we have someone different it makes it more fun(ish) and i dunno im in the mood for new stuff and random stuff and surprises

i still dont know what it is that makes me sad but its always the same i know its always the same
feed my mind
ah
crazyness never ceases to exist
no sad shows just happy funny yay ones
i know i keep saying yay i just stuff it into my sentences anyway

dying
out again soonish
i promise myself
or i shall go maddish
and photojournalling
although i am bad at it
only good at photorandoming
but photos were good today
took weird stuff
and a lot of the same stuff
but nice stuff anyhow
yay for hoodie
saved my day
i got horridly lost
and i walked rounds and rounds
and oh
the sun blah
but finally i found what i wanted
and i was smart about it so yay
and i saw the red i wanted
red and dark yay too bad no photos
that wouldve been awesome
and i woulda put up missing photos
just for fun maybe
look through the glass
again some time
but i doubt i will find anything of interest again
definitely out soon so i dont go mad
feel very detached these few days
be a stranger
be a sojourner
be yay
and camwars although i hardly ever
but i did them for my socks and to get
nice looking random looking pics
but always pink cos im home
skirt soon out and more photos same place
meet again maybe
if youre lucky we will
but i think not haha
nevermind maybe something else will catch my eye
although i doubt so
one in a million
never even ever happens

xxx
need to get away
i get the feeling now
meet me at the park
soon-ish (: xo

Labels: abstract, being mad, drunk, random musings

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

woah woah woah
wreck my thoughts
play games with my mind
now im confused
especially this time

i dont know which way to go
im at the crossroads
i thought i knew what i wanted
i thought i had chosen my path
but apparently not,
because at the crossroads is where i find
myself

its going to be tough
is all i can say

_____________________________________

so many new things to try
but all for another day

_____________________________________

im half awake now
just half
i dont really know what i want
or what im thinking
so im just gonna leave my thoughts for tomorrow
and we'll see how it works out
i need to make a list
i need to plan
i need to revamp
clear clear and change again
cos i cannot stay the same for too long again

im back
and unfortunately
i think the old me's back too
pretty bad huh
im not sure what good it did for me anymore
im back to me,
cynicism and question marks
what to do and
what to not

i thought i was changed
i thought i was different
i thought i had another chance to start over
but see, i thought wrong
again

i feel the same all over again

_____________________________________

need to change
need to change
need to change
cant stay the same
it irritates me

_____________________________________

cam and out again
i thought i'd feel different, really
changed renewed
but its back to same old same old
and im not even 24hours out
fastest ever
im relapsing
falling back in
i feel it
same old thang

_____________________________________

oh change
but not the wrong change
and out again
again again
into the inky black darkness
you will not find me

_____________________________________

maybe it ate me

_____________________________________

i am all rahhdeedahh
and blahsplatplaff
no more you just me
just me

out out out
and out you go
good riddance
good bye and
have a nice life

_____________________________________

aimless wandering
boredom is bad
splat splat splat
or
splash splash splash

drawings,
more drawings
and whoopdeedoodash

blue
sky blue
soon
very soon
because
not yet
is mad

_____________________________________

badbadbadbadbadbadbad
how?
degeneration takes place
in less than 24hours
-thats quick
just only a jiffy
imagine how steep the gradient would be
if we drew a graph
to let you see

_____________________________________

half-asleep
half-awake
all the same shit

_____________________________________

converse
new yellow converse
i will still keep my pinks
now they are faded
i love them even more
better than whites and better than pinks

_____________________________________

i poisoned myself
with junkfood
for four days straight
if it had lasted 10 days
i would have died
we would all have died
in fact
i would have died earlier
though not from the junkfood
but from her
but now i regret saying anything at all

_____________________________________

make new friends
make new life?

_____________________________________

my thoughts flow better when im half awake when im fully awake i just feel blank but then when im half awake i cannot be bothered to think things through properly because when i am half awake i am half asleep as well i would keep them for when i am fully awake, but by then i would have forgotten my train of thoughts or just be blanked out so then i lose everything like a faulty harddrive

_____________________________________

my mind is running running running...
running places
fast fast fast
quicker than i can imagine
i had a dream
but i forgot when that was
the last four days just suddenly seem like a dream
i've just woken up from
nothing seems real
all like a dream
it happened,
but all in my mind

Labels: abstract, drunk, poem, random musings, so much noise

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

i like to multi-tag my posts
ohimstartingtoyawn. obsession/icanthelpbutmultilabel-itis. hohoho i labelled all possible labels for this post. maybe i should do a random post and talk about everything possible so i can tag it with every single label i have. and more. oh joy.
i dont know why i have so many almost-similar labels.
why do my hands look old. i am just sixteen. and halfway to seventeen.
i never get eyebags. except when im stressed i suppose, because i only got them once- during Olevels.

okrandom :P
love

Labels: abstract, being mad, drunk, haha, random musings, random weirdness, utter weirdness

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

im afraid i might die in my room and no one will know because i havent been eating well since saturday or something and its getting worse since ly left im afraid i might pass out or something and i locked my door and refuse to open it on the account of being asleep. and of course they darent try to open my door with the key lest they find me a heap of tears.

no i am not okay, in every aspect you can think of.

Labels: drunk, dying

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

okay
where do i start
prom was last night
prom was good
prom was way better than what we thought it would be like
prom was actually fun hahahaha
and the food was not half so bad at all :D

our after-party was crazy
okay, so it wasnt a party, but it was after anyhow :P
went back with kong, shermin, tam, sili, david, raymond. the rest of them went to shermin's house and me and wenyi got macs and then went to her house. it was like 12+ when we reached, which was quite crazy cos we didnt even go anywhere after prom ended. so we ate, and talked and talked and talked and talked for like the longest time about everything and anything till about 3. then we called tam to ask them if they were coming over, but she said that they'd just finished cooking(or eating) and they had just started their mahjong (-.-) so they wouldnt be coming over yet. so we talked some more (incredible). at about 4 we were feeling kinda sleepy so we called shermin to ask her if they were coming over or not. they were still playing mahjong (and it was super noisy we could hear it over the phone lol). so we decided that they should come over at five so they could play their mahjong and we could get some shut eye(haha). at 5 they came over bearing marshmellows cos wenyi said we'd be eating fondue (at 5am! haha!). amazingly wenyi and i were able to wake at 5am, although i was still kinda halfasleep-ish. they were in awe of wenyi's house for the longest time, then we had fondue and watched some tv. the fondue was kinda disastrous cos we didnt actually let it melt totally cos we were too eager to eat. haha. so the cake mostly got stuck and broke into pieces in the chocolate -.- but we finished most of it anyway, then watched some weird stuff on tv, i only remember watching the oprah winfrey show because i was staring at her christian louboutins. ahaha. then kong's sis woke up and we were all lolling around the sofa and then after awhile we all fell asleep. that was around 7, and then kong woke me up at 11 (the rest of them had gone home around 9) i cant remember why but i woke up (amazingly). then her mom got food for us and we ate and watched some old channel8 drama serial with michelle saram in it. stacy came after quite a while, then we just lolled on the couch and watched the drama serial. then it ended we got bored and i wanted to watch winx club on okto (there wasnt anything else on tv! haha) but then kong was evil so she purposely put the channel to malay news. then i was like, we dont even understand one shit of this why you make us watch, you translate for us la. then she started 'translating' a lot of nonsense and we all cracked up.

a lot more stupid stuff but im too lazy to type it all out, but its amazing that im not sleeping or half-asleep now and im still alive even with the crazy night we had.

hooray

Labels: 2 integ, being mad, drunk, haha, prom, utter weirdness

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

hello blogger.com i use you ten thousand times a day (:

i gave him a piece of my mind; i threw it down and hit him squarely on the eye
train of random thoughts brought me to this

maybe you fell asleep on the laptop
i hope you dont get caught
or maybe you're playing dota or some stupid game
then that'll really be very inconsiderate of you
not to let me know before you go off and have your fun
but im thinking you got caught
which is scary to think of
because i know how it was like when you got caught the last time
and i dont even want to think of how it'll be like this time
maniacsssssssss

goodnight i think im finally ready to sleep although then im never gonna be alive in time tomorrow oh what the heck i dont know why i suddenly feel homesick, at home. maybe i'll get over it tomorrow im glad im going away i miss mom and dad a lot suddenly i dont know why either maybe i shouldnt have talked to you i dont know i dont know when it comes to you i always have doubts about everything because your life is like a minefield everything is a bomb which might hurt you or might hurt them or maybe mostly all of you. how entirely scary to be a part of your life.

Labels: drunk, family, poem, random weirdness, you

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

pheepheephee
pffffffffffffffft
yay Os are Overrrrrrrrrrrrr hahahahaha
im going mad
im madly tired
brain is shutting down
i feel like saying weird noises
like pheeeee and pfft-ing
so delirious
omg os are overrrrrrrrr
madness

Labels: being mad, drunk, on being drunk

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;