Red Poppies - Anyone Else but You

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grace
diary
blog
rant
leave

sometimes i like you

sometimes i don't

sometimes i'll miss you

sometimes i won't

me, yesterday

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

too bad

too sad

too late

to date

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

sent chills up my spine

because everyone thought i was dead
and the boy i love thought i was dead
and there was no way of telling him that i wasnt
then finally i met him and then he knew
we drove around in his car and...
oh i love him so

Labels: abstract, dream

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

one day older than yesterday and im another year older.

Welcome to the first day of my Eighteenth year.

Labels: musings

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

somebody's boyfriend (i.e. mine) just realised that we forgot to celebrate our anniversary last month. but nevermind. HAHA

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

Falling out of love is a funny thing

especially when you've been in love for ages and ages
and then you seemingly suddenly fall out of it. i wonder how that happens.
do you just reach a point where you fall off the cliff? or do you fall out of it gradually, like how you outgrow your clothes? can you outgrow a love? when love turns to hate, does that love ever, or have a chance to, turn back to love again?

it is hard harboring a secret when you have friends. it is even harder to know that you have friends and a secret you can't share with these people you call your friends. then again, i wouldn't say this necessarily constitutes a secret, but if you don't tell anyone about it then does that make it a secret? what if you simply have no one to tell? then does that make your 'secret' an unwanted secret?

people seem to fall out of our lives like falling stars - you make a wish on them and you never see them again. hopes are false and false hopes are false hopes

goodbye forever.

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

now that i think about it, we were actually in a relationship (albeit a slightly dysfunctional, slightly screwed up one) at the time, just that neither of us realised. and i actually miss that. i miss you for all the things i ever wrote about you, i miss what we had. im not saying what we had was special, what we had was, really, ridiculous (or beyond ridiculous). its just that i never realised, what we had is what ive always wanted. i miss the ridiculousity of being the overly cliche couple as occasionally as we liked. and although i never realised, it wasnt you who always needed me, it was the other way around, as i realise now. sure you were the one who was after me, but i was the one who made the calls, you never did. i know i've been more than mean, i've stabbed you a million times in the front, in full sight, and stabbed you in the heart a million times more. and i have nothing to say in my defense.

to any one out there: please promise me if i try and break up with you and ruin what we have, that you won't let me and you won't let me go.

love doesn't hurt, it's not having it that hurts.

(somewhere through this post i found myself writing in present tense. hm. im not sure that was entirely appropriate although it is entirely possible.)

Labels: memories, musings, you

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

lonely nights
stars are bright
missing you
when you aren't in sight

Labels: poem

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

today,
i did something super coolfunnycrazyawesome.

me and gerald laughed and giggled like mad and tried photocopying our faces at the school copier. of course we failed because, idk, it just isnt that easy. we were acting like primary school kids, laughing and trying not to scream with laughter and giggling and trying to be inconspicuous and making sure no one saw us while we carried out our superawesome master plan. i havent done something so crazyfunny in a long while.

anyway, we are gonna try again soonish because i really want a photocopy of my face.

Labels: haha, so much noise, today was, utter weirdness

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

i look at all these people and think, if i'd known you a year ago, i would never, ever, ever have...
nevermind.

but yeah.

Labels: randumm

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

because life is like this - when you throw out one emotion, you get hit by a hundred back

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

woah fake smiles all round

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

i cant believe i have to go to school with these !!*"£gwegr£&kvngff6dt&kjvlnvdf&£@!*£! people

yeah, its this complex that i have..

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

e is an entity i have not blogged about for a really
really
long time, in fact, maybe even eons. now e is everything i ever imagined, even wondered, of how i might ever look at someone and think, i used so be close to so-and-so, but now i hardly know him at all. and it is scary, considering how when i say close, i mean really really close, like banter buddies, pulling punches, hanging out all the time, being telepathic and knowing that he'd be there for me no matter what.

the other day i realised someone, whom i got to know recently, knew e.
me: how do you know e?
someone: oh we were friends from xxx. he's very studious. why?
me: oh he's... nothing. i know him too.

it was kinda weird 'cause i couldnt say 'oh he's my best friend'.

Labels: memories, musings

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

you know you have truly regressed when all you talk about is how you have regressed

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;