Red Poppies - Anyone Else but You

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grace
diary
blog
rant
leave

now that i think about it, we were actually in a relationship (albeit a slightly dysfunctional, slightly screwed up one) at the time, just that neither of us realised. and i actually miss that. i miss you for all the things i ever wrote about you, i miss what we had. im not saying what we had was special, what we had was, really, ridiculous (or beyond ridiculous). its just that i never realised, what we had is what ive always wanted. i miss the ridiculousity of being the overly cliche couple as occasionally as we liked. and although i never realised, it wasnt you who always needed me, it was the other way around, as i realise now. sure you were the one who was after me, but i was the one who made the calls, you never did. i know i've been more than mean, i've stabbed you a million times in the front, in full sight, and stabbed you in the heart a million times more. and i have nothing to say in my defense.

to any one out there: please promise me if i try and break up with you and ruin what we have, that you won't let me and you won't let me go.

love doesn't hurt, it's not having it that hurts.

(somewhere through this post i found myself writing in present tense. hm. im not sure that was entirely appropriate although it is entirely possible.)

Labels: memories, musings, you

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

e is an entity i have not blogged about for a really
really
long time, in fact, maybe even eons. now e is everything i ever imagined, even wondered, of how i might ever look at someone and think, i used so be close to so-and-so, but now i hardly know him at all. and it is scary, considering how when i say close, i mean really really close, like banter buddies, pulling punches, hanging out all the time, being telepathic and knowing that he'd be there for me no matter what.

the other day i realised someone, whom i got to know recently, knew e.
me: how do you know e?
someone: oh we were friends from xxx. he's very studious. why?
me: oh he's... nothing. i know him too.

it was kinda weird 'cause i couldnt say 'oh he's my best friend'.

Labels: memories, musings

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

today was all
of hugs and kisses
and loves and misses
and things you will not understand
-
today was a memory
reignited
-
i felt like sec four all over again
everything felt the same
in the maroon shirt
and the awesome hoodie that made everything better (and of course made me $27 poorer)
the inaugural handstand walk demi-competition
which i lost again
the which-hand-to-which-leg and how-do-you-manouvre lessons
for when youre trying to hold your leg up to the side
the phototaking
with weird faces and weirder cams
the confusion
which leads to self-initiation
the long walks
with the equally long complains
the getting one another lost
and finding each other again
the awesome friends- emwy and japh
with more and better plans for the future, and remembering the bond we share
the awesome juniors- kez and assjehsee
love you two although you dont knowwit [:
and of courrrrrrrrrse the annual
"shitidontwanttoseehimwhyonearthisheheredamnitwhycanthejustgetlostomgomgomgishecominghereGETMEOUTOFHERE!!!"
screaming hyperventilating running(away) and trying to be inconspicuous(ha)
but mostly in my mind anyway im pretty sure i was calmer this time (right)

and finally, most finally, the
whether-we-should-all-pon-school-tomorrow and then-what-are-we-gonna-do-tomorrow
except that this year it was a lot i-must-see-if-my-father/mother-allows

same old, same old.
it felt good to be back again
and everything seemed the same.

Labels: memories, musings, today was

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

remember when we used to sing juno songs in class everyday to anyone who would listen [:

anyone else but you
♥

Labels: memories, musings

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

so i've been busy and i havent been blogging as much as i would like too. but everything is fine, and i write in my diary more often now because of how things are. i miss everyone so drop me a tag/sms/IM/email(yeah i check my email so email me!)

-

i saw a guy, from afar, who had hair like you. and i was reminded of you again, and i remembered how it was, me and you, although there was never us. how you made me laugh and made me sigh and the warm fuzzy feelings when i think of you at times. yes i still feel the same way but different some how, less of me and you and more of the nostalgia. maybe one day i will talk to you again, because you make me laugh so much. and you provoke me, all the time.

-

yes, this is for you, xxxxxx, cos i miss you and i miss fighting with you and everything else. although you probably will never read this, but i dedicate this to you because it only seems fitting to do so [:

Labels: memories, musings, you

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

the things we did in sec 2 = OMGWTBBQ
i was shocked/embarrassed/traumatised when i read that
but eugene was not, which is superly unfair

but anyw,
_______________________

DELETE DELETE DELETE!
_______________________

ZOMGAH

Labels: 2 integ, memories, utter weirdness

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

11pm-off to woodlands to catch the bus
11.30pm-there arent any more buses to changi -.-
12am-dad sends us to changi
12.30am-reach changi and go terminal-hopping
1am-we settle at swensen's at T2 and crap a whole lot
3.26am-ly msges me to say she's on the way
3.30am-we make our way back to T1
4.15am-we reach T1 and ly is there and so is everyone else(her entourage, that is)
5.15am-ly goes in, but not before she talks to us and gives everyone a million hugs
5.20am-surprisingly i am able to hold out, but we skip plane watching cos then i really would cry.
5.25am-we head over to T2 for starbucks
5.30am-laze around at starbucks and talk nonsense, still not really tired at all, amazingly
6.30am-we go into the photo-id booth to take some spaz shots. cheap thrill. haha
6.45am-head for the bus home
8.27am-am home now

my adventure for the morning. at least we managed to have fun and we'll always remember today. i cried a whole load yesterday, fortunately i didnt cry at the airport. i didnt want to. i dont know why i miss her so so terribly. i try not to think about it, that she isnt here anymore, that she's halfway around the world now, making her way to the US of A. that sucks. please please take me away. i dont want to be here anymore. it hurts. i'll prolly spend the rest of the week holed up in my room.

i cant believe its all over; that she's gone. its so horrid, like some nightmare. i wish like crazy that she was still here. im prolly having gastric but i cant even be bothered. just thinking of her being gone hurts more. i didnt think i'd even cry.

Labels: memories

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

i vaguely remember thinking that i should set my alarm at 1.25am and a few other weird timings for some weird reason, in some kind of lack-of-sleep induced delirium this morning, prolly around 6-7am since i slept at 5am (:P). and i remember feeling rather drunk(refer to one of my earlier posts for my definition of being drunk) at the time, and i think i did do just that- set my alarm to totally random timings, that is. i actually didnt remember any of it, kind of how you have a few dreams during the night but only remember one or two, or sometimes none. in this case it was the kind of half-awake, half-conscious(or quarter-conscious?) dream that you dont remember at all save for the (sometimes destructive)evidence you might end up leaving around, which awakens your memory. i just realised how of the five alarms on my sony ericsson phone, one alarm is set to 1.25am, thus stirring my memory. but of course i only remember everything vaguely, everything is a haze since i was so exhausted from staying up till 5, and i have no idea how i managed to pull myself to unlock my phone, navigate it to alarm and set one alarm to 1.25am. incredible. i do wonder if the whole thing might be just my imagination and i didnt really do that while i was half asleep, but thinking back, it would be quite impossible if i did that while i was still awake. i slept at 5, so there wouldnt have been any reason for me to set my alarm at 1.25 anyway. crazy shit. must've been totally drunk and hungover from the exhaustion.

today i finally had the time, so i went to to a little sort of research on cape town, although mom and dad have already pretty much finalised the itinery. but my little project didnt turn out quite so well, since i couldnt think of any major attractions i wanted to visit there, apart from the ones mom and dad have already found. so, i researched on something else. starbucks and ice cream. haha. didnt turn out quite so well either, i found out there were no starbucks cafes in cape town, and no starbucks in the whole of south africa. which was like kinda sad cos i wa thinking i could go there and like spam starbucks like crazy hahaha cos jacob was like telling me how a venti cost 3 bucks in the philipines which is like omgwtefghijklmnop loll. yeah. so anyway, no starbucks, which is like, fine. so next up, i search for ben and jerry's! haha! i know, im like totally ridiculous, searching for such things for the vacation. but theres nothing else to search for anymore. mom and dad covered everything there is already. haha. ben and jerry's turned up nada as well (kinda obviously), so i searched baskin-robbins. ha! but it has a super un-userfriendly page, so i couldnt really find what i was looking for, but i doubt they have any branches at cape either, so whatever. then i couldnt think of anything else and i ended my futile/ridiculous/rubbish search. haha

went for dinner with abel, kaylee & aunty jessie's families. supposedly a farewell dinner for lee's family cos shes leaving right in dec. it was really awesome, cos me, abel and lee havent met up altogether in ages and ages, ever since that happened. so it was great, and we all were able to get along really well without any awkward situations or anything, the three of us. reminds me of how when we were really young and used to be super close, we had this (super corny) club thingum called the KGA. haha. the KaylaGraceAbel like omgahahaha we were so young! we prolly changed club names a million times but this is the only one i remember cos we actually did this signage thingumajig for the club (haha!). and we had this really cheesy song about where we were going, which we would always sing in the car. it went something like:

we're going to (first place of choice, repeated thrice)
we're going to (second place of choice, repeated thrice)
we're going to (third place of choice, repeated thrice)
but we decided to go to...... [burst out](chosen place)!!!
[cheer, scream, scream some more, whatever]

*there were usually two or three places of choice at maximum, although that part can just be lengthened or shortened depending on the number of different places we could think of.

okay, so i cant really remember if me, lee and abel sang this song together, but i definitely remember it was me and abel for sure who sang it together all the time :D i think abel made it up, cos he's the oldest haha. so it was really fun to all meet up again, although we didnt talk about stuff from the past at all. we just talked about all our schools and all, cos abel's from a boy's school, im from a mixed and lee's from a girl's school. and about music all the different cultures and influences in our schools cos they're all so different, although their schools(secondary, that is) are quite similar cos theyre sibling schools and in roughhhhhhhly the same area. but lee's never seen public caning (girl's school), so she got really excited when we were talking about it. haha. she was like, "so exciting! i want to see eh! (laughs) ... i've been in a nunnery for ten years!" then we all cracked up. and she's really incoherent at times, then we laugh at her incoherence and indecisiveness. im really glad we got to meet up again, altogether. usually its just me and lee or me and abel, which is fine, really, but its just so great to all get together. hopefully we'll do it again like next year when lee comes back. i miss you all so much! havent seen them since abel's exams started i think.

random: karlie kloss looks like kirsten dunst and i find this quite a weird post

Labels: childhood, dinner party, memories, on being drunk, vacation

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

i was like reading my archives, and i realised that i dont even understand half of what i was writing. as in like, i wrote this:

im so disappointed in you
i dno
but its like we've been so close for so long
and now you just suddenly turn cold on me
fine. i give up okay?
we've tried to work it for so long
i mean everyone knows how different we are
but that was what made us get by
i used to be so proud of you
but now its like.. i dno
anyway, its up to you
cos i'll always be here

and you know, now i have no idea who i was talking about, which is like the most hilarious thing ever. entirely weirddd. haha.

and then there's the reeeeeeeally weird stuff like this:

VEES BEING LAME

[c=#FA5303]★ may-vees. xD[/c] [c=1]Captain Underpants! ^^[/c] ·$0 says:
Mine growing!
[c=#FA5303]★ may-vees. xD[/c] [c=1]Captain Underpants! ^^[/c] ·$0 says:
I'M SO HAPPY
I LOVE YOU RED! says:
LOL!
[c=#FA5303]★ may-vees. xD[/c] [c=1]Captain Underpants! ^^[/c] ·$0 says:
MINE IS GROWING
[c=#FA5303]★ may-vees. xD[/c] [c=1]Captain Underpants! ^^[/c] ·$0 says:
LOL
[c=#FA5303]★ may-vees. xD[/c] [c=1]Captain Underpants! ^^[/c] ·$0 says:
SERIOUS!
I LOVE YOU RED! says:
OKAY!

i think most of the girls know what this stupid efghefgehfgeh mayvees is talking abt
x)

for this one, i do actually remember what the crazy (or crazed, whichever) girl was talking about. and it is absolutely ridiculous(as well as EMBARRASSING!). much like how lower sec and 2i was like :D which reminds me how madddd we were.

oh well, off for now (:
XOXO

Labels: memories, random weirdness, utter weirdness

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;