Red Poppies - Anyone Else but You

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grace
diary
blog
rant
leave

"yesterday i slept with x. i have no idea how/why it happened but i reckon it was because i was exhausted to the max and then i prolly just k.o.-ed and then when i woke up i realised x was beside me which was totally weird because i dont remember a thing, honest and besides, it was just weird simply because it is. i thought i would have more control over myself even though i was in such a state.

i never expected something like that would ever have happened. ever."

Labels: on being drunk

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

pheepheephee
pffffffffffffffft
yay Os are Overrrrrrrrrrrrr hahahahaha
im going mad
im madly tired
brain is shutting down
i feel like saying weird noises
like pheeeee and pfft-ing
so delirious
omg os are overrrrrrrrr
madness

Labels: being mad, drunk, on being drunk

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

ELECTRIC CURRENTS (and other bad things) THAT DESTROY YOUR BRAIN CELLS

by Grace Huan at 4 freaking a.m. in the morning when she should really be sleeping and not staring at the computer screen letting her brain cells get fried and mutated and all-the-bad-things-ed

Stay up till you're yawning, madly
Your brain's banging around your head, badly
Oh you can hear the bells ringing
the band's singing
You know its time to sleep
and you're lolling around
cant think straight
Your mind's whirling
your thoughts swirling
You feel dizzy from
staring at the computer screen
but you're so sucked in
You keep staring and staring

Oh i hate to tell you this but
you're Addicted
Don't you see how
you're getting deceived
Makes you stay up
stare blankly at the screen
Let it suck your brain cells
yeah, suck out your brain juices
so you feel empty
dizzy but fixated
can't get away
can't get away

Oh My Goodness
You're going in

(PS: its supposed to make sense in an abstract kind of way. which means it will probably not make sense to 76.984759485739875398% of you lot.) (actually, i just spammed the number) (but the percentage should be quiiiiiite correct) (except there arent enough people in the world to make a 76.984759485739875398%) (okay whatever)

blood pulsing
your heart
skips a beat
its time to sleep
yes
its time to sleep

Labels: on being drunk, poem, utter weirdness

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

i vaguely remember thinking that i should set my alarm at 1.25am and a few other weird timings for some weird reason, in some kind of lack-of-sleep induced delirium this morning, prolly around 6-7am since i slept at 5am (:P). and i remember feeling rather drunk(refer to one of my earlier posts for my definition of being drunk) at the time, and i think i did do just that- set my alarm to totally random timings, that is. i actually didnt remember any of it, kind of how you have a few dreams during the night but only remember one or two, or sometimes none. in this case it was the kind of half-awake, half-conscious(or quarter-conscious?) dream that you dont remember at all save for the (sometimes destructive)evidence you might end up leaving around, which awakens your memory. i just realised how of the five alarms on my sony ericsson phone, one alarm is set to 1.25am, thus stirring my memory. but of course i only remember everything vaguely, everything is a haze since i was so exhausted from staying up till 5, and i have no idea how i managed to pull myself to unlock my phone, navigate it to alarm and set one alarm to 1.25am. incredible. i do wonder if the whole thing might be just my imagination and i didnt really do that while i was half asleep, but thinking back, it would be quite impossible if i did that while i was still awake. i slept at 5, so there wouldnt have been any reason for me to set my alarm at 1.25 anyway. crazy shit. must've been totally drunk and hungover from the exhaustion.

today i finally had the time, so i went to to a little sort of research on cape town, although mom and dad have already pretty much finalised the itinery. but my little project didnt turn out quite so well, since i couldnt think of any major attractions i wanted to visit there, apart from the ones mom and dad have already found. so, i researched on something else. starbucks and ice cream. haha. didnt turn out quite so well either, i found out there were no starbucks cafes in cape town, and no starbucks in the whole of south africa. which was like kinda sad cos i wa thinking i could go there and like spam starbucks like crazy hahaha cos jacob was like telling me how a venti cost 3 bucks in the philipines which is like omgwtefghijklmnop loll. yeah. so anyway, no starbucks, which is like, fine. so next up, i search for ben and jerry's! haha! i know, im like totally ridiculous, searching for such things for the vacation. but theres nothing else to search for anymore. mom and dad covered everything there is already. haha. ben and jerry's turned up nada as well (kinda obviously), so i searched baskin-robbins. ha! but it has a super un-userfriendly page, so i couldnt really find what i was looking for, but i doubt they have any branches at cape either, so whatever. then i couldnt think of anything else and i ended my futile/ridiculous/rubbish search. haha

went for dinner with abel, kaylee & aunty jessie's families. supposedly a farewell dinner for lee's family cos shes leaving right in dec. it was really awesome, cos me, abel and lee havent met up altogether in ages and ages, ever since that happened. so it was great, and we all were able to get along really well without any awkward situations or anything, the three of us. reminds me of how when we were really young and used to be super close, we had this (super corny) club thingum called the KGA. haha. the KaylaGraceAbel like omgahahaha we were so young! we prolly changed club names a million times but this is the only one i remember cos we actually did this signage thingumajig for the club (haha!). and we had this really cheesy song about where we were going, which we would always sing in the car. it went something like:

we're going to (first place of choice, repeated thrice)
we're going to (second place of choice, repeated thrice)
we're going to (third place of choice, repeated thrice)
but we decided to go to...... [burst out](chosen place)!!!
[cheer, scream, scream some more, whatever]

*there were usually two or three places of choice at maximum, although that part can just be lengthened or shortened depending on the number of different places we could think of.

okay, so i cant really remember if me, lee and abel sang this song together, but i definitely remember it was me and abel for sure who sang it together all the time :D i think abel made it up, cos he's the oldest haha. so it was really fun to all meet up again, although we didnt talk about stuff from the past at all. we just talked about all our schools and all, cos abel's from a boy's school, im from a mixed and lee's from a girl's school. and about music all the different cultures and influences in our schools cos they're all so different, although their schools(secondary, that is) are quite similar cos theyre sibling schools and in roughhhhhhhly the same area. but lee's never seen public caning (girl's school), so she got really excited when we were talking about it. haha. she was like, "so exciting! i want to see eh! (laughs) ... i've been in a nunnery for ten years!" then we all cracked up. and she's really incoherent at times, then we laugh at her incoherence and indecisiveness. im really glad we got to meet up again, altogether. usually its just me and lee or me and abel, which is fine, really, but its just so great to all get together. hopefully we'll do it again like next year when lee comes back. i miss you all so much! havent seen them since abel's exams started i think.

random: karlie kloss looks like kirsten dunst and i find this quite a weird post

Labels: childhood, dinner party, memories, on being drunk, vacation

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;

suffer self-torment in silence, in the safety of your room
how ironic

its all coming to me now
like reality that finally hits home except i dont know which it is, that i dont see you anymore or that ____, yeah. i dont know. i dont even know if i believe that its(____) true.

but it doesnt hurt. i think im just tired out. or maybe now i miss you, although i really shouldnt, i shouldnt even be thinking about you. i wish someone would tell me to forget about him; forget that i ever knew him; forget everything. daddy only says "you shouldnt be thinking about him now", but he doesnt tell me i should forget him, because its the hardest thing to do no matter how moronic the person is. but everything would be so much easier if someone would just tell me what to do. sometimes its if only everything would be so mechanical and you could throw out all the rubbish from your life and just keep the good stuff. but then life would be so lifeless maybe. i think im being incoherent now, i feel dead. i think i only feel drunk when im tired, then my thoughts are wild and incoherent; other than that i cannot imagine my mind shutting down, losing control of my thoughts.

but in the day i feel fine, which is a weird phenomenon. in the day i would laugh in your face, laugh at you because you lost out because you were stupid; you were blind. but in the night i'd prolly blink back tears and watch you walk away.

its cold tonight, so i opened my windows. i dont know why i did, i never open my windows- ever. usually i sleep outside and i keep my windows shut. its a weird night tonight, i've been thinking about a lot of stuff the past few days and its the same phenomenon again, but i know i shouldnt go there, im not sure if i even want to go there but i find myself drifting to it, i know im changing but i cant help it, im not helping it, i dont know if i can anyway. i feel like i have no more resistance left and i just let go and float and let the wind take me along, wherever it goes and i cant do this anymore, i dont want to do this again, i cant believe half the things i say anymore, cant believe the stuff im saying. you dont hurt me but i cant forget you all the same. i know im being completely incoherent here but these are all the thoughts that pour through my mind.

its a weird night tonight

we'll drive, one thousand miles an hour
we'll fly by wheat fields and water towers
we'll go, we'll go and we'll go and we'll go,
let's go let's go, let's go...
let's go

Labels: on being drunk, random weirdness, you

and the air smells of crisp apple cider;